Sunday Announcements.........

My name is Sis. Ursula Smalls of the
Mt. St. Nicholas missionary of all Urgency Baptist Church
and i just gotta say that we is on fire...

We remain within these walls praising
HIS holy name, Sunday after Sunday
we gon raise HIS name higher...

If you wanna stand on yo feet, take off
yo shoes, or run all around this church
we say it is ok...

but the fact of the matter is, we ain't really
gonna do that, so don't really listen to what we say...

don't be looking for us to go outreaching out
to these folk that be on the streets, or those sick
and shut in, cuz if i gotsta be truthful about it all

i knows i done did my part, because, i gave them
all a call. (some did not answer, but thats ok, God knows my heart)
um, um, um..... (thank ya Jeeesus)

We is gon listen to the choir, make a lotta noise
for our Pastor, so we can make him thank
he doing a good job...

The collection plate comes around about 2 or 3 times
and we gots to make sure we rob'n Peter
 so we can pay back Pastor Paul...

(he ain't preach'n for free)
We gots some wonderfuls Deacons that
do not give us not no mess...

for one thang, They only wake up when it is time for
the money to be collected...

But best believe, we's gon dance that
holy ghost dance whens our musicians
start to play

but when that holiness gets in the music,
i likes to do my lil holy ghost routine, i be practicing
every day.

We's haves Bible Studies every Wednesday
starting at 7 0' clock PM

we luvs talking about the do's and the don'ts of the
Bible, just make sure you do all of your don'ts
before you get here, and before we begin

so if you looking for a church home
where we enjoy being INSIDE the house
of the Lawd

You need to join us at
Mt. St. Nicholas missionary of all Urgency Baptist Church
come on aboard, come on aboard, come on aboard.
"xpressurself"

Father..... forgive me (pt. 2)

Father,

I thank you for this opportunity of coming before you

i know and understand my time could have easily been due

i could have been many other places, good or bad, but this present time

was strategically orchestrated by you.

Father i ask you right now, to forgive me for all of my sins

those that i am aware of, which i have repeated over, and over again

and for those that i am not aware of, and i ask that you make them

apparent to me, so this cycle will end

I am coming to you for the sake of those

that are less like me

not so fortunate in seeing any type of light

down the tunnel, and their smiles are not so glee

there are homeless people that are out on the streets

starving with absolutely no food to eat

no water to run, for them to get clean

and not so much of a support group to keep

their minds at ease

it is not my place to judge them, for whatever

reasoning they may have to be roaming around

migrating from section to section, moving as often

as our government may move them around

i have no right to judge them, for i know "life"

happens, and life happens hard

whether from losing good job, to being screwed

by loved ones, to drugs taking them by storm

I will not make a bad statement about them, because

i know I could have been in that same place

You could have allowed life to take control of me

OH GOD i thank you so much for your grace.

but Father, i ask that you keep me, and build me up

so I can be a vessel to your less fortunate children

bless me and others that have the love of Christ

to be a real blessing for them

This is a simple prayer, with out all the fancy 

idioms, and metaphors, to get anyone all

pumped

This is a simple thought that i am sharing with you

that i am hoping goes up

I love you Father, and i hope it is

delivered to you with haste

I thank you and i will be so careful to

give you all praise

In Jesus' name

AMEN

"xpressurself"

I Write.........

I write.....

I write for the sake of getting the word out
speaking my mind.
it is funny i always get sleepy when
i get ready to write about Christ.
and sometimes i give in, but sometimes
i don't
sometimes i know i just have to fight threw it
but sometimes i just wont

i write for the sake of my
full figured potential
I love my sister big boned, for their heart
to me is more intentional
ask her for a dollar, and
if she don't have it, she'll get it
let her know you hungry,
she will hot skip to the kitchen

i write for what i use to
call my situation
I now know that God sent her to save me
becoming more of an inspiration
My hope for the future
standing willing to wait
Not waiting for me,
but for God to call her my mate

i write for the boys and girls
that know not about Jesus Christ
for the men and women
that just do not YET have it right
being a messenger, a vessel,
a glass of water
grasping the message, getting it out
holding it in at bay, telling it as it was spoken by MY FATHER

I write because i just love to
more than reading a book
sometimes it makes sense only to me
but, as long as others take a look
i dare not keep the truth to myself,
it is suppose to passed along
so i will pass it to anyone that wishes to
receive it, from the old on to the young

i write for the sake of love,
love has been the very thing,
that came from above
spreading down on each of us
in hopes that we will all see
Love has loved me more than anyone or anything else,
so for that, i love love, for love has been so good to me
"xpressurself"

Bus Ride........

My truck has been out of sink for a while,

and I am having to catch rides back and forth

and they are coming way from the south of town

just to come and get me on the north

now my initial thought was to not even tell

anyone, that I needed help at all

But, when I do that, it raises more of

An issue, if I do not make certain calls

So as my commute would come, although

I never actually asked for the help

But the refusal would not make too much sense

But as the days grew by, though I was doing all I could

I still could sense a bit of their tiredness

Out of love, through the kindness of their hearts,

Back and forth to and from work, back to where I stay

I KNOW the commute is a lot on them, so I decided

I wanted to do something different,

To keep them from coming so far out of their way

I am going to ride the bus today

It has been over 20 years, but hey

I felt some kind of way

I saw people of all forms of light,

All were beautiful in God’s sight

But in mine eyes, not all of them were totally right

I would get on the bus and take my seat

And of course, several guys already had me beat

So eventually it would get full, and I would kindly give the

Working ladies my seat

But there should be no reason ladies over 50 should be

Standing on their feet

Guys my age would look out of the window as if they do not see

Just to be outdone by men over the age 70

Acts of kindness cost nothing, and is nothing to me

Imagine if God was a jerk, and chose to be lazy towards me

I would still be standing in the midst of my tears of where life placed me

So you see…. I am glad… I am glad I rode the bus today

There were homeless people on the bus that were

Homeless from life itself

Nothing they did wrong, but was dealt a bad hand

And are now needing a little help

There was the psychotic, the ghetto, the rich, and some poor

Some were just Vagrant, searching for an understanding of life

When it seems, life has just given them no more

This guy got on the bus, and you could tell he had cash

He was black, and dressed like a normal ole Joe that still had his hood pass

My humility is based on how I treat people and my bus ride brought me back

To where I use to be, knowing that all people are not just one way

I rode the bus today,
 and I am glad I did, NO, I am glad God

Orchestrated it that way

“xpressurself”

You are Music...............

I see you this time around, like I never have before//
This peace about you turns me on more, and more, and more//
 Unlike before,
there was this distance that pushed me closer to the shore//
That I was sssoooo unable to ignore//
But now I see you, this time around, making me want to cradle you//
I was told I had this ability to unintentionally disable you//
Is that true?//
Well not this time, my heart will be more cognitive, cautiously making a point NOT to control you// Because, I need YOU,
 to move me//
You have a permanent spot in my soul, that is always able to soothe me//
 Not even my Lady has learned the main ingredient of how you do me//
 You are my wife, which is what my girlfriend told me//
You are music, and when you are on the radio, or my playlist, you do as much to me as poetry.... “Xpressurself”

Jesus Wept....

Jesus Wept,
He cried for that moment in life when he discovered
his friend had lost his life
he cried when he witnessed the sillines of the world
was taken over by all of the hype
Jesus' life was placed on hold so he could go and see
about one that meant so much
i do nto think He would have made the time
to do so, if this was not such
but He did. The world kept on moving but
He made His life stand still for a moment in time
and everything else was major but not so much
important for He could place everything else back in line
But He had to lay His hands on him, and hold him and comfort him
for the sake of His friend meeting the Father
It was nothing for the Savior to keep it moving with everything
else going on, and not be a bother.
 But He paused, and for a moment in time. Jesus wept.........

He made a point to speak to the Father, making a special request
to either bring His friend back on Earth with the living, or make ready his
mansion up in Heaven
I take it God was ready for him, without question.
It is ok to cry, and mourn for this moment in time,
for Angels have once again been removed from our presence
I weep, but will keep the example of my Savior
that always has an awesome message
Jesus wept for his friend, and His compassion exploded
showing everyone it is ok to grieve
He also lets us know, that in the midst of mourning,
His friends are in good hands.......... Just believe
"xpressurself"

do not feel bad for me... not for everyone....

i am living in a society where a man and a woman
is affected by the decision of facing another person of color
regardless if i am a black man.
a white person has to make a conscience decision to
treat a person of another race as they treat their own
and defend themselves to let the other race believe they actually understand
i have been given this line of bullshit, "i do not care what race you are, when i
see you, i do not see color"
you are just a brother from another mother.
and i have to make the choice to be either an asshole and ask
the question "so you are telling me that you are color blind"
and they say, OOOHHH NNNOOO, I SEE JUST FINE
then how are you gonna tell me that you do not see color
when you see me. I am a 230lb. brown skinned male. if you do nto see
 color, what do you see
because obviously you are not looking at me.

I call myself a ni$$a, because that is what i choose to do.
if you do not see color, then i am taking it, this is what you see
the nigga in me
i call myself a ni$$a because i will never run from what my ancestors
had to deal with when they dealt with your lying ass..  predator kinsmen
notice what i did not say..... um hm...
i have had to face this life all my life
dealing with you making me think you are not what you really are
if you really did not see color, that would not even be a damn issue
ignorance has made a crown around you
so... YES... i call myself a ni$$a because that is what i am
to all of you that do not see "color"
that means you are colorblind, so to help you out
here it is... i am a black ni$$a.... guilty
i am what God made, so i choose to be nothing different, but come on and ride with me
and do not feel bad for me,, because of what you are already thinking about me 
but i will break you if it ever comes out of your mouth.... so silence it conscientiously 
"xpressurself"

one word..... First Love

I have seen your works and kindly deeds
you have been there for others that were in need
You have suffered with out murmur, and toiled through the pain
you have held in your tears, even while standing in the rain
there is nothing i have bad to say about you
most of your life, your choices have been good, and you have consistently stood true
a good servant in church and your honesty is commendable
for the most part, it is you that has been most dependable
you have angered without sin, but did not let the sun come up on your wrath
you  have  given  the  last  that  you've  had
your spouse is happy with you, though at times you have gotten on her nerves
I am willing to give you everything you deserve
BUT, there is one thing i hold against you, one thing i have concern of
You have forgotten about your 1st true love

But i have continued to love you through all that i have seen

through all that i have been through, both good and obscene

even when i have lost all that i had, and had nothing to show

you told me you were there, i know, i know

from woman to woman, from place to place

i know and understand i have shown you disgrace

i mean, i would lift prayers up to you  both day and morn

I would ask you continually to to allow me to grieve from being scorned

Even when my so-called hypocritical brothers in Christ pushed me aside 

I yet turned to you, when my so called friends took me for a ride

What else was i suppose to do, 

what do  you mean I have forgotten about you, 

take note to how far you have fallen, and where you are in life

remember how i removed you from all of your strife

You have forgotten what you were doing when you days were coming together

how much you would so desire me, and wanting to be where i was, no matter the weather

a great servant of your peers, and how your heart was so clear

all else came second to what you desired to hear

you did not bother about what others said concerning your glare

But, to be in my house, in my presence, you would be there

There is one thing you have forgotten about, that you no longer think of

that one word involves me, you have forgotten your first TRUE LOVE
"xpressurself"

Again I Rise

through all of the issues that have crossed my eyes
the lower I fell, as damaged as i was inside
from the blood of Christ, God said again I rise

All of the cash that was blown, and did not realize
to the women that i ended up liking and despised
HE continually lifts, and again i rise

i have done some horrible things, told many lies
standing in the middle of the tears from my own eyes
once again i stood strong, once again i rise

Even when i gave up on myself, and the blame was all mine
feeling sorry for my own disgust, i would still be given the same reply
stand up, and stand still, HE said HE would remain with me always.
and once again I rise

I am looking for her

it is awesome to me when i see you

made up

dressed up

like a breath of fresh air

the tone of your voice

your raw, stark beauty

the drag and texture of your hair

that HUGE smile

the laughter from your belly

the type of clothes you wear

the hidden phenomenom of love

from your heart

the way you show that you care

your body so sensitive

to each and every touch

when touched here and there

that ancient structure of your face

damn near built to perfection

and atitude to match,

ass so fat, no nonsense

so easy to get caught in a stare

promises she will never get caught up

will never cheat, will be of no drama

will never get caught up with the glare

thats cool

thats loyal

thats fair

.......................................

its lunchtime, i turned the flashlight off

i will search a little more later

she's out there........................

somewhere.....

"xpressurself"

She Smiled at Me........ ( look into this one)

She smiled at me.....
i caught her, intrigued as she pranced around so free
and in the midst of her dancing she smiled at me

she saw things that no one else could see
though so many was looking as she glided with glee

with the face from creation of perfect divinity
i watched her in awe with such serenity

She knew she would not be able to choreograph the whole piece
but she pushed on like a soldier, with the heart of a  beast

Her final outcome was inevitable, and she appeared to be so free
to dance as she pleased, but in mid movement she looked up and smiled at me

What was I to do , but smile back with peace
and the tone in my movements cried to be released

but i held back, for i knew the reality of the scene
as the machines were turned off, and her heart stopped pumping,

her eyes continued dancing, and prancing through this scene
and before long i could not hold it anymore and i released
her eyes closed, so peacefully, yet her entire face continued smiling at me............
"xpressurself"

Naw.. We Good... ********^^^^^^^^**********

We have a battle inside of me, and only one of me can actually contain it
We have our moments being upset at me, and we purposely intensely refrain
Our days are filled with anger, happiness, and rebelliousness and we think we actually like it
our business is my business, and if we are feeling a certain way, then I surely will not fight it

not truly people persons, but we will give the shirt off of my back
you will never know what will come out of my mouth, nor do you know the impact

just like everyone else, we have our moments where we may not want to be bothered
so just leave us alone, and your peace, and peace of mind will remain honored

i am judged by many, and for the most part, we will not worry about the multitude
when we become annoyed by stupidity, one, or all of us, will become extremely rude
one of us is the peaceful people, and the other one is always on strike mode
neither one of me (US) like confrontations, but we will stick to the G-Code (****)
wanting and needing to be loved, because we love, love........ for love has been good to us

one needs it because i do not like to be alone, and the other one only likes you for a certain period time....
 but i like love a bit more than lust, but trust, they are both good for us.... (BIG SMILE)
Our attitude is not destructive, we just rather speak what is on my brains
but the fact still remains, We'd rather not be tamed

NNAAWWWW, WE GOOD............

There is something about being able to get up and go
whether it is a club, church, or even a hotel, where we (ME)
can get a lil bit and off, off I (WE) go.... ya dig???
Ain't no such thing as doing your dirt by your lonely
you either doing your dirt with your partner, or your inner homey
Well, I think we have said enough about me (US), it may be best
to digress from our conversation, and maybe tomorrow we can start fresh...

It was nice speaking on behalf of Van Lamont and Utter Speech, maybe I (WE) can do it again
well, i gotta see what the other gotta say about that, but until then.
Maybe the rest of me(US) may want to speak out the next time
We keep them out of the public eye, but again, until then....
GOOD BYE
"xpressurself"

We have a battle inside of me, and only one of me can actually contain it
We have our moments being upset at me, and we purposely intensely refrain
Our days are filled with anger, happiness, and rebelliousness and we think we actually like it
our business is my business, and if we are feeling a certain way, then I surely will not fight it

not truly people persons, but we will give the shirt off of my back
you will never know what will come out of my mouth, nor do you know the impact

just like everyone else, we have our moments where we may not want to be bothered
so just leave us alone, and your peace, and peace of mind will remain honored

i am judged by many, and for the most part, we will not worry about the multitude
when we become annoyed by stupidity, one, or all of us, will become extremely rude
one of us is the peaceful people, and the other one is always on strike mode
neither one of me (US) like confrontations, but we will stick to the G-Code (****)
wanting and needing to be loved, because we love, love........ for love has been good to us

one needs it because i do not like to be alone, and the other one only likes you for a certain period time....
 but i like love a bit more than lust, but trust, they are both good for us.... (BIG SMILE)
Our attitude is not destructive, we just rather speak what is on my brains
but the fact still remains, We'd rather not be tamed

NNAAWWWW, WE GOOD............

There is something about being able to get up and go
whether it is a club, church, or even a hotel, where we (ME)
can get a lil bit and off, off I (WE) go.... ya dig???
Ain't no such thing as doing your dirt by your lonely
you either doing your dirt with your partner, or your inner homey
Well, I think we have said enough about me (US), it may be best
to digress from our conversation, and maybe tomorrow we can start fresh...

It was nice speaking on behalf of Van Lamont and Utter Speech, maybe I (WE) can do it again
well, i gotta see what the other gotta say about that, but until then.
Maybe the rest of me(US) may want to speak out the next time
We keep them out of the public eye, but again, until then....
GOOD BYE
"xpressurself"

"Let him"........

In all honesty, men have gotten to where no one knows if we are coming or going
there are a lot of things we are suppose to know, but we just dont be knowing
One major factor is a lot of us were not taught as kids how to be men
we have to have that example somewhere around us, but that part of life just never came in
so we had to use the set of cards that we had, but unfortunately most of the cards were red
Most of the women did the best they could, and did damn good as the head
but how are taught by someone that really did not have that experience themselves
to be honest, a lot of them prayed that lesson would come from someone else
so when that time came for us to stand up and do what must be done
the women reverted back to what they practiced for so long
so the battle of who is wearing the pants, and what i say goes
Who is actually right, now no one really knows.
women liberation has so many ladies lost as shit
and selfish and silly ass men walking around just as confused as the kids
but the WORD OF GOD, has never wavered, so lets learn right now
Women and men gotta start somewhere, it may as well be now... 

 (matt. 11:15 He that has ears, "let him" hear...)

ladies learn how to talk to him, not at him, he can hear you from a distance
say what you have to say, and allow him to learn how to listen
Every man that messes up is not dumb, stupid, or sorry
Edmond's mans learning curve is different from Corey's
If it takes him a little longer to get what you mean, you gotta find some way to be chill
do not get mad at everyone in the house, hell you chose to be with Bill
lower your voice, explaiin how you feel
 it is up to you to figure out how to make him hear.

(song of solomon 1:2,  Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth-- for your love is more delightful than wine

Coming from the hood, as well as a single mother home
momma is ok with letting him remain single and alone
There ain't too many stories about the birds and the bees
butterflies fluttering around through the flowers or the trees
Every woman has to teach their man how they want to be loved
how they want to be treated, spoken to, and in what way they want to be touched
We all know what happens in the hood, and what really goes down
I mean, who else is teaching your man, if mommy is too busy and if daddy is not around.
You know your man loves you, but the affection is just not there
calm your ass down, and be patient with him, that is how we know you truly care
i did not know how sweet and seductive a nice and sweet forehead kiss really could be
Until I saw the movie "Best Man", no one else ever told me


PRAY FOR YOUR MAN if you are the stronger in faith of the two PRAY.
it is possible to be unequally yoked, and both be people of faith
Sometimes ladies, it is ok to let him think it was his idea, although it was yours all day
LET HIM seek the kingdom of God, even if you have to kinda nudge him that way
We are dealing with what we got, just as you are playing this game of spades
you two are partners, through it all, and it is all about which team wins the game.
One thing that i learned, the hard way, is the man HAS TO LOVE his wife, this is our command
this means we also have to submit. (let him LOVE you 1. Cor. 13:7  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
ALLOW him to give you what it is you want, as well as what it is you deserve.
"xpressurself"

A Husband..... true example

the bible says that a husband is suppose to love his wife as Christ loves the church
the wife should submit to her husband, and with this, the relationship is suppose to work
Jesus took a lot of crap from religious leaders, and he loved them even when he did not want to
he got accused, lied to, lied on, spit on, beat, yet he kept it moving forward, and stayed true
he continued to provide healing, encouraged  the lost, and still found time to pray for strength
god was his main objective, along with the peoples well being, regardless where his time was spent.
he had to justify his being, and spoke to all that had a listening ear
he spoke with authority when it was time and kept quiet at some, and folks thought he was showing signs of fear
little did they know that his wisdom surpassed the ordinary and his strength was not gonna be wasted
the time would come when their blasphemy and wrong doing would be properly chastened
he continued doing what he did, showing all of the fruits of the spirit
the church continued to not be submissive, as a matter of fact, his teachings of love and patience, and a good life, they simply did not want to hear it
they fought against the messiah, but the king of all kept on with his mission
request after request, he fulfilled request, and went right on with his righteous position
after all he did, after everything he made happen, his actions were as if they were nothing
the ultimate sacrifice was on its way, to show all an amaaaaaazing bit of something
for his love he endured the worse punishment any man has ever had to take
just imagine a innocent man going through this, if i could only see his face
he was not murdered, but he gave up his life, went to hell then home to glory
he is coming back to take his own to heaven, to our new home, then and only then will we be able see the rest of the story
THIS should be the mindset of a husband, the thoughts of a true christian man
We will never get to this point, if we never open our minds up to understand
,, xpressurself,,

in the mirror..... in adoration....

She sits in the mirror with the camera in front of her...
taking photos.....
in love with the very sight of her. almost turned on with her own beauty.
her eyes, are like windows of oxygen to her soul. able to actually..... BREATHE...
just like a nearly perfect portrait. yyyeeeaaa, anyone can tell she is in love with herself.
and if she isn't she damn sure knows how to fool the on lookers, and the nay-sayers, even if she does not believe herself. make-up flawless, clothes the perfect fit. shoes to be adored. HER vision is an image straight out of a magazine.
vain... conceited.... stuck-up... a straight bitch... well at least this is what the chics looking on would say, and dudes will see her as just a chic that is probably out of their league, or a really good piece of ass..

NOT EVEN CLOSE.....
 one would be amazed at how long it actually took her to get to the
point to where she could actually look into the mirror....
one may ask, how can a woman with so much class, and so much going for her fall into a place where she is allowing someone to take her whole being to be so damaged to where she has developed this, what some would call "the ugly duckling syndrome"
 you should ask her sometime.
 but instead, we would rather look and say, "that bitch think she is the shit"
when in actuality..... SHE IS...
To be able to overcome any type of abuse, you see, she was a victim of verbal abuse,
 loneliness, having a baby, with no one to help you....
well not just anyone, but the sperm donor..... abuse was not so physical, but the fact of the matter is, many have never had to deal with it to a certain extent, so it is what it is..
 But to just look at her now.... you can not do anything but smile. in adoration... with much respect.....
and I bet the only one that is authorized to judge her, loves her to death...
I put my life on it....
TO BE CONTINUED........
"xpressurself"

****PSA ****

This is PSA ...........

MURDER, MURDER

There was a murder today, and my heart cries, because another child gone from the hands of a another

Not sure of the things that lead up to that event, but my heart goes out to the family , the father, and mother

Several things go through my mind, and several emotions have just made me think

I remember the days we would fight another to get our points across, but this new age handle your business shit stinks

I got beat up a few times, pissed off a couple of weeks, but then was able to bring my ass back to school

Would not even try to get even, I got whooped, I healed, then I was cool

But not these days, these punks feel they gotta MURDER, MURDER a person to feel like a man

Or like they gotta feel like they are the bigger person, but its senseless, I just do not understand

Give me some boxing gloves any day, and lets do what we gotta do

I got body shots for you all day, and if I get dropped, I just get laid out, giving props to you

What rights do we have to take away something that we did not give

Who gave you the authority to make the decision if someone should die, or if they should live

There was a MURDER, MURDER, today, and as bad as the punch of this poem may sound

Just as bad as it sounds seeing the words on the page, that is just how real this BullShit is around town

Parents have it tough, and although I am not a father, my heart goes out to the multitude of you

Please keep your kids lifted up in prayer, lead them, guide them, ask our Father in heaven to help you

Accepting Christ as your personal savior is always available, it is never too late, it is so easy to do

There are some that will concentrate more on the profanity of this poem than what is being said to you

Well, it is not to late for your simple minded judgmental ass either, neither is it too late for you

I will start off the prayer, for the murderer, the liar, the lost, the saints, the Christian sinners as well as the confused

Pray for these children, they need the old time traditions back, to all adults, God is counting on you.
"xpressurself"

The Pain Of A Bad Relationship

I can not blame no one but myself, I allowed myself to be owned
I did cause some of the insecurities, but her silliness became too much to control
If I was trying to meditate, or write, or just rest to clear my head
she would make noise, walk a little harder, sing heartache songs, and other games to try to get to my head.
She fed off of drama, bullshit, and such...
but the fact of the matter is, she started to become a bit too much
it was only her opinion that mattered, and everyone else had no say
the best way to stop her from talking is if you gave in and just said ok......
well, all I can say is, for the first time i can truly say she won
I did not mind being the bad guy/ punk ass, because being with her was just no fun
My number one fear at one point was, being lonely
but i would prefer to be alone then to feel like someone is trying to own me
niggas and flies, niggas and flies, both i do despise
but the more i hang around  THIS nigga, the more i appreciate flies......
"xpressurself"

*****SMDH**********

If a man makes an attempt to actually talk and be honest with you
What do you think the smart thing would be to do
Not only will it help you to understand this fool
But it will also show you that this man is trying to show realness towards you
SO WHAT he has a past, you probably did some phuk’d up things to
So instead you make him the “PERSON” from your past; now YOU tell me who is the fool
This dude from your past was the outer cover of your dreams, and appeared to be so true
He gave you money, good sex, and the conversation was great and did almost everything you wanted him to
While inside of the book of that perfect cover, he made you feel like a bigger fool
The guy you have now opens up with a past, and he understands his past is not cool
He even tried covering up some things that happened way before he knew you
And you claim that you pray about things, but ye of little faith,
when will this cycle end for you, you damn fool
TO BE CONTINUED…………. “xpressurself”

I am persuaded..........

 Romans: 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

CASE 1: A Lawyer in this case, very good at his craft Extremely generous,
cut many struggling clients fees to half Not always honest,
 but never lost a case
Started out from scratch, right out of his own place
You see this attorney was a street thug early in his life
 Was in prison for 10 years for killing a guy with a knife
It was one of those things where his life was set up like dominoes
 And the way they fell, is the way his life would go
Put out on the streets by his drugged up parent
At the age of 13, starts how his life happened
 But in that time he had, when he served his time
He constantly conversed with his Heavenly Divine
 He was that stereotype that found God in the system
 Got him some learning, and religion, and making himself a good living
 He ended up a conqueror, blessed and elated
God showed him mercy; I am persuaded

 CASE 2: Extremely young and beautiful, a hard cover book
Flawless out covering, candy to the eye, from just one look
 Slightly sheltered at her youth; ever so anxious to explore
Very disciplined and intelligent minded, but soul wanting more
 No where close to being a trouble maker, but the Devil is lurking
 That one opportunity to get out was given, now her whole being is hurting
 A family member violated her, constantly for months
She never reported him, but did not realize she was now turned into a stunt
She searched for love, and that touch, and that feeling of being wanted
 So she constantly gave her body to many, and from her past she is being haunted
 Now feeling worthless and dirty, she is now looked at as a hoe
 Age 22, with 4 kids, and 4 baby dads, still her past, no one knows
without her even asking, true story, this is for real
 one of her NEAR tricks offered her, one hell of a deal.
 Well let's just say, to make a long story short,
 she got justice in every way another victory story,
 of how she learned to kneel and pray her relative had a visit with karma,
 and she totally got back on her feet HEAVY into Christ,
a walking testimony to teens God's compassion struck again,
when she, for so many years was interrogated HE showed out again,
and i am persuaded......
 "xpressurself"

SHE LOVED HIP HOP.........

It was not the fact that she loved Hip-Hop just because it was the thing to do
 But sometimes I think she loved it because of what it took her through….
 Anyone could see from her response when Hip Hop would come on,
 Her whole body language would change,
 leaving her mind maimed
nothing else could enter her mind, and soul.
 Hip Hop was at times the perfect get away for her,
as a matter of fact, She loved to close her eyes to the sound of Hip Hop.
 I think she really just loved Hop Hop because of how it made her hips move
 When his hips moved, when he grooved.
 There has never been another entity other than God Himself That was able to soothe
It was fun, serious, militant, funny, harsh, yet demanding
Although it took over her,
 she at times would allow it To be the commanding officer over her
 There has not been too many to actually understand the directness And confusion that Hip Hop stood for.
 Maybe that is what bothered her,
 maybe that is what drove her
To love the hip of hip hop so much.
She understood the many Avenues Hip Hop would take her
 Because she understood him,
 that is what made Hip Hop What he is.
 what it became
 Hip Hop came to realize, that there was actually one.
 Where they belonged, I think the one thing that she will never get,
the one thing She will never understand about Hip Hop is,
 Hip Hop actually breathes.
Hip Hop has needs
 Hip Hop can only exist if Hip Hop is able to Breathe.
RESPECTFULLY.......
 Respect is the key.
Hip Hop will Respect as hard as she loves. It is what it is….
I think you can pretty much say it consumed her
 It owned her.
Although, she hated how Hip Hop would flip flop her
 And drip drop her.
 Turned her entire persona around, it literally tic toc’d her.
 She would stop what she was doing To appeal to hip hop.
 get up, and get down til it don’t stop
 But she wanted it to stop
 But it didn’t stop.
It won’t stop…..
I was never able to understand why she so loved Hip Hop, though it can't stop
 "xpressurself"

Love Echoes, Quietly..... ******^^^^*********

I hear the sounds of an invisible echo. It is loud enough to shake my heart.

Yet, it is so quiet to where you can be standing right next to it, and not know it existed.

Unless it is something that you once visited.

 Because it becomes familiar once you actually see it.

 Though brutal, it is as pleasant as the autumn breeze.

 And it is an awesome place to be.

 To be in the midst of LOVE.

 For I love love.

When it is real, there are  no conditions to attain it.

 but to actually receive it.

 and I ain’t talking about no “I love you if you can do this for me” or

 “ I love you because you look……. Loveable” and certainly not

 “ I will love you once you do what I asked of you” WTF???

 Is this a bluff.

 To be loved is a privilege. 
I can honestly say that I once was loved with exactly what it is I had. Which is NOTHING…  

furthermore, it is certainly a beautiful place to be

and my insecurities were taken away, when he died on the CROSS for ME

so you see….

As the Bible perfectly proclaims.
 I AM PERSUADED that there is NOTHING

That will come between HIS love for me.

I whole-heartedly love love,
 because LOVE has certainly been good to me.

“xpressurself”

Raw.... Impressive... Righteous... ***

I saw you, and that raw
beauty that God
has bestowed in you.

The skin on your face,
shows me that God made you to be true

Because of the raw purity of life in you,

Eye candy does not give your appearance justice.

You have this look about you;
stark and powerfully impressive

With first look, I would think you were equally aggressive

BUT THEN, a sense of silence
your coy persona becomes more relative

If so I will never rob you of your innocence

WHAT IF God did decide to show face

It would only be a matter of time before appearing in the right place

And it would be YOU
 and all of God’s wonderful splendor
 but it would be YOU
that everything and everyone would try to embrace

With haste

Passionately gasping at your pure,
raw, stark,
powerfully impressive righteousness

"xpressurself"

My Poem ....... My Poetry....

I told God i needed a poem, and i explained what it was i needed

I spoke to him, and he spoke back, and as i wrote he i discovered he succeeded

word for word, line by line, my request for a poem came hard

the words that had been placed on paper, held me at high regard

and i saw my poem, and i love my poetry. as it stands center stage

i love how it talks shit to me, yet has a smile on the page

tickles the hell out of my ego, got me all analytical and shit

i be standing feeling all tingly as she flirts back to me and shit

that tune that i was given to me got me loving my poetry and shit

My poetry be feeding the hell out of my ego, i be feeling like a grown man and shit

I have been looking for a poem that flirts with my intellect,

never talking on the negative, but full of positive respect

When my pen hit the paper, my poetry offers to bring God into the equation

there is a wide range of possibilities when we include my Heavenly Father as part of our relation

My poetry be all up on Facebook, posting all the real

giving not a PHUCK about what another nigga or chic may feel

walls are being broken, and my poetry is ready to relax

she be all in my mind and heart, when she admits this is not usually how she reacts

my poetry be all about that "phuck that nothingassnigga shit, that dude really not down

she be feeling that love, feeling all mushy and shit when my pen be coming around

my poetry be feeding my ear and my soul and my heart be fluttering and shit feeling all alive

Lke John Legen say, my poetry be getting me " So High, So High"

yyyeeeaaaa, we be on some affectionate shit... "#dontjudgemedammit"

My poetry comes to see about me, when the pen is not always in motion

My poetry has always given me the "i got your back" notion

My poetry has come real with me, just as i have done

After God himself, i love my poetry, and she is 2nd to none

i wake up in the morning with pen and paper on my mind

pondering the next meeting place for me and my poetry to spend a little time

She is the only thing that seems like she has always held me down

it is just the two of us, against the world, we gonna always be down...

"xpressurself"

My Angel...... My Madea

As she lies on her bed of mercy, looking like a glow of extreme delight

Weakened by the many challenges of  life

With the wit of a superhero and the strength of a giant bull

Gravitating all in "MY" business, and me being a sucker resist to push or pull

she is asking me questions that I am not sure that I want to answer

but it harshly rushes through my mind as if I was a victim of cancer

Before I leave here, you made me a promise, you better keep
Now, you told me you would have a wife and a family, and that is what i wanna see
Yo mama keep telling me that you are always running the streets

Baby, take care of yourself,  how is your health, you better take your meds before you be in here with me

in and out of a light sleep she goes back and forth

and each time she opens her eyes, HERE SHE GOES with more

and i realize........
Ain’t nothing wrong with this woman, she has never detoured from this road she’s paved

There is no need to worry about what is going on with her, for this old woman is saved

She is doing better than all of us collectively, and she is a force to be dealt with

She went out again, but this time I will let her rest, I digress from her side with a kiss

Looking from the outside of the glass, I look at an angel indeed

An angel here upon the living, My angel is only resting indeed.

"xpressurself"

Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani (encouraged from Mathew 27:46)

My God My God,
i ask of you, why have you walked away from me in the midst of all of my pain
i admit i am not perfect, and not always loyal just the same
i remember in your word where you say you will always forgive, and always be there for me
you ahve already told us that you knew us, and how much of a handful we are going to be
you have given me a task to do, and i have followed through, and still am i on Your path
are you upset with me because occassionally i vere away from the course that i have
i am exactly what you created and i stay 100 with you and my peers when they approach me
"Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani"

i see the goons from afar coming my way, and it looks like judgement in their eyes
My name has been crudified, and yet i keep it moving despite their lies
For your will, i allow myself to be spit on, kicked in the knees, and slapped in the face
i have turn the other cheek, so many times while ministering to my brothers and sisters, yet they still murder me in haste
for Goodness sake, i am drowning in my own tears, wallering in my own pity, while waiting for a response from you.i honestly have no idea what it is i am suppose to do
I ahve torn my clothes, with my face to the ground and i am still trying to see
"Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani"

There is only so much more i can take, but i keep it going on for the sake of kingdom building
every single day it seems that my life, i continue relieving.
my enemies are living a wonderful life, and i was thinking we were all to be treated equal.
Why do i feel like i am surviving in a 5 part movie sequel
complaining i am not doing, but this thing is getting harder my the day
i do not want to disrespect you by saying things the wrong way
Father show me your Glory so i know you have not walked away from me
"Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani"

MY CHILD, CALM DOWN, I WENT THROUGH THIS BEFORE, AND IT SEEMS THE RESULTS
WILL BE CLOSE TO THE SAME
IT IS HARD FOR A FATHER TO WATCH HIS CHILD GO DOWN SUFFERING FROM SO MUCH PAIN
THERE IS A MISSION THAT HAS TO BE DONE, BUT KNOW THAT I AM HERE MAKING SURE THINGS HAPPEN AS THEY SHOULD
COUNT IT ALL JOY WHEN GOING THROUGH DIVERS TEMPTATIONS, THE END OF THE STORY WILL BE VERY GOOD
I LOVE YOU MY CHILD, TRUST ME I WILL GIVE YOU AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOUR REST TO BE TAKEN
AND NO MY CHILD, THERE IS NO NEED TO WORRY, YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FORSAKENED.
"xpressurself"

rain drops.....

it is raining outside,
 and i am planning on standing right in it

i want to feel what it is feeling,
and blend in with it

i wish to drown in its splendor,
until the moment God stops it

but i want to remain as a
perfect representation of it

when the sun comes out,
i want to be able to over power it

wash it away and remain as is,
 and not even worry about it

as long as the light is still out there,
i wish to constantly revisit it

why do we deserve the sunshine,
there aren't enough smiles and gratitude for it

all of the cries from the less fortunate,
yet our self righteous asses
continue to ignore it

there was a time when things that came from you heart,
everyone would sympathize with it

instead of the balance,
we only empathize with it

no love, no compassion, no encouragement,
we have pretty much done away with it

to be there for another individual,
our offspring seem to have never heard of it

my heart lessens lower, and lower as the raindrops fall
as they fall, and i want to stand right in it

the cries and the pain of my people are
drowning out the smiles of the blessed more fortunate,
i just want to feel the rain, and i
want to be that perfect representation of it

"xpressurself"