The Pain Of A Bad Relationship

I can not blame no one but myself, I allowed myself to be owned
I did cause some of the insecurities, but her silliness became too much to control
If I was trying to meditate, or write, or just rest to clear my head
she would make noise, walk a little harder, sing heartache songs, and other games to try to get to my head.
She fed off of drama, bullshit, and such...
but the fact of the matter is, she started to become a bit too much
it was only her opinion that mattered, and everyone else had no say
the best way to stop her from talking is if you gave in and just said ok......
well, all I can say is, for the first time i can truly say she won
I did not mind being the bad guy/ punk ass, because being with her was just no fun
My number one fear at one point was, being lonely
but i would prefer to be alone then to feel like someone is trying to own me
niggas and flies, niggas and flies, both i do despise
but the more i hang around  THIS nigga, the more i appreciate flies......
"xpressurself"

*****SMDH**********

If a man makes an attempt to actually talk and be honest with you
What do you think the smart thing would be to do
Not only will it help you to understand this fool
But it will also show you that this man is trying to show realness towards you
SO WHAT he has a past, you probably did some phuk’d up things to
So instead you make him the “PERSON” from your past; now YOU tell me who is the fool
This dude from your past was the outer cover of your dreams, and appeared to be so true
He gave you money, good sex, and the conversation was great and did almost everything you wanted him to
While inside of the book of that perfect cover, he made you feel like a bigger fool
The guy you have now opens up with a past, and he understands his past is not cool
He even tried covering up some things that happened way before he knew you
And you claim that you pray about things, but ye of little faith,
when will this cycle end for you, you damn fool
TO BE CONTINUED…………. “xpressurself”

I am persuaded..........

 Romans: 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

CASE 1: A Lawyer in this case, very good at his craft Extremely generous,
cut many struggling clients fees to half Not always honest,
 but never lost a case
Started out from scratch, right out of his own place
You see this attorney was a street thug early in his life
 Was in prison for 10 years for killing a guy with a knife
It was one of those things where his life was set up like dominoes
 And the way they fell, is the way his life would go
Put out on the streets by his drugged up parent
At the age of 13, starts how his life happened
 But in that time he had, when he served his time
He constantly conversed with his Heavenly Divine
 He was that stereotype that found God in the system
 Got him some learning, and religion, and making himself a good living
 He ended up a conqueror, blessed and elated
God showed him mercy; I am persuaded

 CASE 2: Extremely young and beautiful, a hard cover book
Flawless out covering, candy to the eye, from just one look
 Slightly sheltered at her youth; ever so anxious to explore
Very disciplined and intelligent minded, but soul wanting more
 No where close to being a trouble maker, but the Devil is lurking
 That one opportunity to get out was given, now her whole being is hurting
 A family member violated her, constantly for months
She never reported him, but did not realize she was now turned into a stunt
She searched for love, and that touch, and that feeling of being wanted
 So she constantly gave her body to many, and from her past she is being haunted
 Now feeling worthless and dirty, she is now looked at as a hoe
 Age 22, with 4 kids, and 4 baby dads, still her past, no one knows
without her even asking, true story, this is for real
 one of her NEAR tricks offered her, one hell of a deal.
 Well let's just say, to make a long story short,
 she got justice in every way another victory story,
 of how she learned to kneel and pray her relative had a visit with karma,
 and she totally got back on her feet HEAVY into Christ,
a walking testimony to teens God's compassion struck again,
when she, for so many years was interrogated HE showed out again,
and i am persuaded......
 "xpressurself"

SHE LOVED HIP HOP.........

It was not the fact that she loved Hip-Hop just because it was the thing to do
 But sometimes I think she loved it because of what it took her through….
 Anyone could see from her response when Hip Hop would come on,
 Her whole body language would change,
 leaving her mind maimed
nothing else could enter her mind, and soul.
 Hip Hop was at times the perfect get away for her,
as a matter of fact, She loved to close her eyes to the sound of Hip Hop.
 I think she really just loved Hop Hop because of how it made her hips move
 When his hips moved, when he grooved.
 There has never been another entity other than God Himself That was able to soothe
It was fun, serious, militant, funny, harsh, yet demanding
Although it took over her,
 she at times would allow it To be the commanding officer over her
 There has not been too many to actually understand the directness And confusion that Hip Hop stood for.
 Maybe that is what bothered her,
 maybe that is what drove her
To love the hip of hip hop so much.
She understood the many Avenues Hip Hop would take her
 Because she understood him,
 that is what made Hip Hop What he is.
 what it became
 Hip Hop came to realize, that there was actually one.
 Where they belonged, I think the one thing that she will never get,
the one thing She will never understand about Hip Hop is,
 Hip Hop actually breathes.
Hip Hop has needs
 Hip Hop can only exist if Hip Hop is able to Breathe.
RESPECTFULLY.......
 Respect is the key.
Hip Hop will Respect as hard as she loves. It is what it is….
I think you can pretty much say it consumed her
 It owned her.
Although, she hated how Hip Hop would flip flop her
 And drip drop her.
 Turned her entire persona around, it literally tic toc’d her.
 She would stop what she was doing To appeal to hip hop.
 get up, and get down til it don’t stop
 But she wanted it to stop
 But it didn’t stop.
It won’t stop…..
I was never able to understand why she so loved Hip Hop, though it can't stop
 "xpressurself"

Love Echoes, Quietly..... ******^^^^*********

I hear the sounds of an invisible echo. It is loud enough to shake my heart.

Yet, it is so quiet to where you can be standing right next to it, and not know it existed.

Unless it is something that you once visited.

 Because it becomes familiar once you actually see it.

 Though brutal, it is as pleasant as the autumn breeze.

 And it is an awesome place to be.

 To be in the midst of LOVE.

 For I love love.

When it is real, there are  no conditions to attain it.

 but to actually receive it.

 and I ain’t talking about no “I love you if you can do this for me” or

 “ I love you because you look……. Loveable” and certainly not

 “ I will love you once you do what I asked of you” WTF???

 Is this a bluff.

 To be loved is a privilege. 
I can honestly say that I once was loved with exactly what it is I had. Which is NOTHING…  

furthermore, it is certainly a beautiful place to be

and my insecurities were taken away, when he died on the CROSS for ME

so you see….

As the Bible perfectly proclaims.
 I AM PERSUADED that there is NOTHING

That will come between HIS love for me.

I whole-heartedly love love,
 because LOVE has certainly been good to me.

“xpressurself”