Death To The Beginning....

is it possible to be in love with someone, while loving that person, loving money, loving sex, and on top of it all loving god.
yes it is.....
is it possible to be in love with someone, while loving that person, working on making money, needing to keep up with the desires of your heart with the person that u truly love,  and on top of it all keeping a relationship with god.
yes it is....
one person where there are two in a relationship can not do it. unless there is a mutual participation it is not possible. the secret to being in any relationship is acknowledging who the person is that has the better knowledge of the other persons weekness, bring the two together and make it happen. the only way this will be possible is by being able to actually listen to the other person and learn from the other person. when you aaalllwwwaaayyysss want to be ther per that knows everything, you basically piss on the other person. and on the same level, when you think you always know what the other person is thinking, or know the other persons life, there begins the breakdown of the relationship. until the two individuals are able to come out of themselves and put themselves into the other person, this will be the start of what a relationship is really suppose to be about. there are several ways to attain money with plenty of hustle, the desires of your heart with much love, as well asmaintaining that love relationship. our past keeps us from moving forward. actually we end up becoming products of our past. this is death to a relationship to itself and another blog all together.....
to be continued.....
xpressurself

i saw you.....

i saw you.......
from the first moment i saw you enter the room, i carefully looked away
we pretty much had eye contact all night, but not really anything to say
there were subliminal grins and adolescent shy aways, topped off with the coy knods
mayne i am thirty seven damn years old, this shit is becoming too damn odd
i turned away from staring and feeling like a stalker, i started to feel like i was being rude
this is not me, i am usually careful and coy, remaining a real cool, smooth dude
nonetheless, as the night passed, i continued working and doing what i do
as the night passed, you made it apparant that you knew that i saw you

then the boldness that was expressed made for an interesting week
i kept the thoughts in my head from that night and even at night when i would sleep
i was in the middle of a situation that eventually came to an end
there is no doubt god had a hand in this and before you and i could begin
things had to be done right, and indeed it was right
a bit off the normal way things are usually done i thank god for this night
 had no idea what to expect, but i have no complaints, i am a bit overwhelmed to say the least
my uncertainties and fears were some main factors, but i quicky became at ease
i can not hold any thing i did being the reason for the result of us following through
i only acknowledged that i saw you

i mean at this point where we are right now, is unknown by man
it will take many a while before they understand
if only they would realize, their busines it is not
they only need to understand what it is that i got
i received another mercy from god, this is just what you are
another feeding of the five thousand, perfect placement of the stars
another spitting on the ground, for i once was blind
another changing water into wine
i was being groomed for you, allowing my trash to be presented
to be placed in front of me so that i could empty it
to be done with that foolishness that i use to do
he waited for the right time before i saw you.....

This Easter Weekend................

Easter weekend was pretty good for me, even though i had a boil on my ass
it is actually one of the better weekends that i think i have had
Saturday i went to a bday party, and saw family i had not seen in a while
I saw this dude that i wanted to run over him with my truck, then back back over him with a smile
ate some really good food, talked loud for a minute, but i mostly sat still as much as i could
i mean, i had to keep moving instead of sitting on that hard wood
i was scooting from left to right in the seat, trying to find a spot i could put on a good front
so i continued to walk from the front to the back yard, yet trying to keep from looking like a dunse
so i danced to the old school music they would play while moving on my way.
This is pain i have never had nor will i wish on anyone, in no time of day
i am getting ready to leave and head around the corner to a friend of mine house
hung out with them that night doing the Michael Jackson on WII, and i had fun up until i left out
Easter Sunday was cool, went to a buddies church, then left and hung out with my fam.
i love those people, then i left from there, a tired and happy man.
"xpressurself"

i really just don't know.......

i find myself in a place that i do not kno
this should feel familiar, but it just dont
trying to figure out if i should come or go
i really just do not kno

my first thought is to go with the flow
live my life as it is, joining in  with the show
this is emergency status right now, my heart is about to blow
i really just do not know

i have seen this scenery, but i realize it was only a show
less the cameras, and red tape, and video
not even any drama, but i am still wondering if i am capable to love again and let it show
i really just do not kno

but because it feels so good, i do not want to let it go
i feel like i am moving forward andif anyone wants to know
no i have never been in this atmosphere, i can get use to it though
dealing with the knowledge of the past, i promised to let it go
and i will, but i need time to do this, and a little patience, will i go all the way, i am sure i am, but how long will it take, i really just dont know

To my Teachers

to my teachers that got caught up wit this bullshit, my heart goes out to you
especially if you are a good one, and did all you knew to do
using the education that you went to school for, just to use those skills to teach others
most times we saw you more than we saw our fathers and mothers
if it was not for you there would not be those dimwits that made those laws
there would not be the lawmakers, and money makers and those others that seem to hide their flaws
you taught us how to talk and discipline when our parents almost raised their hands as to say  thevy give  up
i love yhall for keeping it real with me when i stopped givn a fuck
 you told me the truth about life when i gave up on life, but you did what you do
you put so many things into perspective, i thank yhall and i have to say keep your heads up, because you deserve so much better, you truly do...

xpresurself

lov'n the life....

i love my life, the life i live, and i plan to live the life i love
staying away from those that really do not give a damn about my plans and what i am really made of
i am a lover of people now though in the past, i really could care less about people in general,
but now i pray for individuals @ random praying for their salvation and hope they are able to live their life bountiful
i have gotten to the point where my concern is making sure people these days are laughing or smiling
i want to get past these hard times which are causing so many into this fad of wilding
we are an expressive people, and we have a lot on our minds
god has given us gifts to express ourselves, and to show them off, and this is the perfect time
some people sing themselves happy,  dance themselves silly, and just need a way to speak out
some need a way to talk about what is on their hearts, and vent out loud
but we are too worried about what the judgmental bastards have to say
Jesus had to deal with them just the same, and we will in the same way
if they will agree with what/ how we feel or deal with things
we must seek the face of god and be able to accept all things
this is my line of defense against these gloomy days, as well as the haters that be
i am loving my life, the life i live, i plan to live this life i love, and you are welcome to live it with me

Come on now people.....

This is a day where it does not matter where you are, who you are with, and what you are intending to do
There will always be these women with a bad build, and horrible wig, and a BAD ATTITUDE
it seems like every song about independent ladies is pointed towards them as if the song fits
when they know damn well, they never had shit, never did shit, and for the most part, really ain't about shit
I have spoke with, and identified with real women that have some things in their past to talk about
When your definition of struggle is having a house full of kids, and waiting on THOSE nothing ass niggas to  bail your nothing ass out
I wish this would stop, and the real ladies show these other women what it means to go through a hard time
I am not captain save a hoe, nor the dude next door to share with you everything that is mine.
what you need is a clue of what it means to actually work for a living and buy your own stuff
and not counting on another person to take care of you, as if your contribution to the relationship is enough
Any woman can open her legs, and yes women back in the day had a lot more respect for who they are
They did not just let any random prick, prick them, they would actually set the bar
Men would have to climb the top tree, to learn how you are suppose to lady
Love does not come from good sex, nor what a man could do for you, or not being accustom to having a house full of babies
NOW granted, I am a firm believer of this ladies, us nothing ass men have totally screwed it up for the good dudes
We have manipulated many things, and made you feel cheap, and causing you to do a lot of things that you do.
We are to blame for a lot of things, because we were not the men we should have been
But women, how about i ask if you would just try this again.
Us men have a lot of making up to do, because of how royally messed up we have become
But God made you women emotional creatures, he did not make you to be dumb.
This world was suppose to be managed by us, and i have seen you step up and take control
Well, how about we ALL step up, and learn our own role
I love you ladies, and do not worry, the men will get it in the end
God Will not hold you accountable for the role he gave us men
So once again, go and talk to Great grandmother, and learn how to become virtual again
Stop settling for bullshit than comes from us dudes, and stop surviving and living according to your past pain

until we are thankful to see tomorrow...

I am finally getting out of my shy stage,
 and doing what i want to do
I finally claimed this day, and it was a long time coming,
 but i did tell the truth
I know she probably thinks i am a dork or something,
 but it is all good and it is what it is
It has been on my heart for a while,
and i am glad i did what i did
i was probably not taken seriously,
 and that is fine with me
until we are thankful to see tomorrow, in Jesus' name,
 i pray tomorrow we are allowed to see....
maybe paths will cross, and maybe paths will go
in another direction
maybe paths will intersect at different times,
maybe God has finalized your destination
well, i put it like this, where ever you end  up,
just pray God has his hand in it midst
In Jesus' name, walk in the direction of love,
 as long as it is where the face of God is...
take the words for what it is worth,
and do not just blow them off
take the words for what they are worth,
take them in so they will not get lost...
one day God will place us all at a place where he wants us to be,
 without pain and sorrow
Today has enough worries in itself, so be encouraged,
until we are thankful to see tomorrow
"xpressURself"

"Sunday"

The day of the Lord, the day chosen by man as being the Sabbath day, when we should all get refreshed
The day where God should be praised, and the day when men should rest
After a long week of work, partying, and acting a fool, this day many say we should go dressed in our best
Where the holier than “THOU” saints scare the real sinners away, because their facials, being so grotesque.
Well, my Bible teaches that anyone that comes is welcome into the house of the Lord
But, if a woman comes in with pants, and a man in his work clothes on a Sunday, they are not welcome in, regardless of what you have endured
It makes you wonder if the purpose of church is to complete the party from the night before,
Well all I can say is do what YOU do, because that ain’t what I am gonna do, because my God deserves so much more
The real Christian is the one that has no problem with their past being a testimony to others,
Nnnaaaawww, but these so called saints, and hypocrites would prefer to spend their worship experience down playing my sisters and brothers
I will not get on the Preachers and Deacons, that is up to God to have their dirt uncovered
They have strict instructions in the Bible, on their conduct, and lifestyles, and how they should be with one another
My Sundays are not what they use to be, I do not feel the same sense of urgency to give our lives to Christ.
We are not as into serving one another any more, we tend to worry more about our own life
Let’s bring the old school back into church, and get away from the Sunday Hype
My Sunday’s seem to be more routine, ready to get in and get out and go on with my life
So to the real children of God, that are actually concerned about the well being of women and men
There are entirely too many folk kissing up to god, thinking this is how they will get in.
So to raise awareness of the rising issue of people staying outside of the building, because of the evil that is within
God described our bodies as holy temples; the church is more of a tent of meeting for the sick in spirit can go in
It is not about you nor me, but it is about Jesus Christ, and all that there is to be about his life
He died for us so that we can be free from the evil one, let’s start filling the church up tight
Let the Preacher, preach, and the Deacons teach, while the choir sing those Zion songs, singing about all of the hype.
Sunday is coming around again, so let’s get in the place, and let’s get together and do praise and worship right…
-”xpressURself”

Probably the wrong dude

Hello, how are you, no mean really how do you do?

I feel a bit blessed to be able to hold a conversation with you.

I do not want to come across as a goof, or a fool

But the truth of the matter is I have been watching you from across the room

I thought it was pretty interesting how you kinda moved from 1 chair to the next, dude to dude

You did that so smooth like the niggas do it, I thought that was rather smooth

You have placed a thought in my head, and gave me a thought or two

You have brought light to why some men do the things we do

I will give you the fact that most of us are dogs, and can be a bit crude

But a lot of you ladies can be just flat out rude

You left a good guy, showing you respect, he was a gentleman,  I mean a real good dude

Then you walked to the pimp of the club, overly cologne  up with his suit and matching shoes

I am taking it that his rap was probably as wack as the way he moves

You had that look on your face the whole time,  and again I saw you move

Now mind you, you haven’t bought a drink all night, and you cute and all but not all that, but it is all cool

Now, I did not stop  you to dawg you, but I did to see if I could learn a little about you.

You fine, and sexy, big bootey for weeks, chilling in the club doing what you do

NOW, the dude you are about to leave with, I hope he is what you were looking for, Boo.

That chik you were talking shit about with her face all bruised, the dude you leaving with, is her ex-dude

You wanted to hook up with him I guess because he looked like he can protect you

But you passed up the dude that will do a better job at taking care of you, but that is on you

“xpressURself”

my time...... comes around

That is exactly what i saw, but i really was not sure if she was feeling me at all
i stayed sitting on that couch in the back, before i would have stand up; backk to the wall
i could stand me passing her up, letting my homeboy spit a little game
I mean, where would that leave me, how would I recover from my own shame
EASILY, just sit back and let time take its course with my eyes open wide
She kept looking at me, i went ahead and sat on the couch on the other side
Why am i running from this chic, well i wasn't, i was simply in my own zone
not wanting to deal with a rap, swift lies, and drama, i just wanted to be left alone
if we were meant to be cool, or a couple, or just people that we saw around
things will be as they may, this truth i found the hard way, as i was lifting my life off the ground
you see I was deallig with an issue, that is really no ones business, except the person or people i invite in
if you are not brought to my circle, then dammit, get in where you fit in
i do what i do, because i am just who i am
i can not be judged because of my actions or words, just get thou away from me mayne, DAMN
Contrary to popular belief, i do not need a hook up, i know who i want to bring in to my camp
If it is you, you will know, and i send that message with a $10 stamp.
My time will be, whenever it comes around, and you may or you may not know
my business is my business my life is my life, it is not meant to be a show
My time will be, whenever it comes around, i will know when i know
But as for now, i am gonna do me, whatever that is, after my re-programming, then i will be ready to go
and TRUST ME, if it is meant to be, you will be the first to know....

What happened to the family.....

What happened to the days where you say what you meant
and what about the quality time, and you planned how it would be spent
the hustle and bustle of the day was off-set by family time at home
eating dinner at the table, no T.V., no radio, no interruption by cell phones
I can honestly say I missed those days, and this is Thursday, so my grandparents are bringing that back
My Medea be cooking up a storm for all of the family, immediate, cousins, and even the neighbors that live in the back
She prepares dinner for whoever comes by, either myself, my uncle, or my grandfather bless the food
eat while laughing, and talking about silly stuff like we did back in the day, and it was all good
The family has left our spirit because of the distractions that are now taking control
I want back everything that satin, that bastard devil stole
I use to say that the devil could not steal anything that we did not allow him to take
how naive was i, what a big lie from my mouth, what a huge mistake
NOW, seeing that he is doing his job and destroying what God has put together
it is now up to us to take it back, and nurture it, and keep it going on forever
Well, i am about to go and get my grub on, and chill with all my folk
getting fat full, play a little dominoes, and watch T.V. then go back for sum mo... (so what, it rhymes,,,lol)
as i hug, and kiss, and shake everyone's hand, i will leave and get on the road
I look forward to another Thursday coming around, to get another family over load...
"xpressurself"

i HEAR THE SILENCE..........(John 5:2-9)

 What causes a person to not have anything to talk about
the lips are closed, but the ears stay open.
 is this a person that is trying to replay some type of past event and live it in the future...
 maybe....
or maybe it is a person tthat just does not know how to say what he/she has to say.....
 maybe......
Maybe this person kows, that what he has to say is a great big excuse for something......
 How would this world be without more people that were willing to just listen more and talk less... yea, it would be extremely boring, but that would take away the gossip, and the backbiting, and a lot of the envy....
 What ever happened to that person that would listen to the other person more, instead of having a damn opinion about everything.....
sometimes, i just do not want you hear what you think
if ONLY we did make more of a conscience effort to be "ChristLike"
YEP, i did it, one word. ChristLike.
 Jesus did not force his opinion on anyone...
 if he was not asked, or in a position where he chose to make his point known,
if anything, he forced a conversation that would get you to respond..
after he allowed you to say what you needed to say,
 IF IT WAS NECESSARY then he would tell you either how faithful you were,
or how full of it you are..... (being the case in the scripture)...
BUT, he never cut you off so he could talk for the sake of hearing himself speak....
 He knew what he sounded like, he just found pleasure from the fact that there was another opportunity to build his father's kingdom.....
 He allowed you to make a choice, not for you to be pounded with his WORD,
we have to realize that more people have been helped, and more people have been saved by the precious gift of silence...
How Did Jesus know what was wrong with this man, or did he just want this man to be able to SAY what his issue was....
Silence is truly golden.....
Maybe we should try to just shut up sometimes, JUST to hear the other person out...
IAMJUSTSAYING...

oh, my my my

Yesterday was one of those days where I almost popped my supervisor in his eye

OH MY GOODNESS, Lawd have mercy, oh my, my , my , my ,my

He lied to management, claiming a screwed something up, who me, no not I

I Told him, “dude you told me to do this, I asked you a question, and you gave me your reply”

I gave my account of what happened and I told him he was a lie

I claimed my peace, and it was the end of the workday, so before I went any further, I said “dude see you tomorrow, good bye”

The next day came, and he started to speak, and I said “what the damn deal is guy?

He had this bewildered look on his face, and I asked him did he wanna recap on his lie?

He claimed he did not remember saying what he said, so I pulled out an email with his reply

I asked him, was someone on you computer that day,  and if it was, then why

I forwarded the email to his manager, and his manager came back and got fly

Raised a little hell, got into both of our asses because I got fly with my boss that needed to be popped in his eye

But it was only the love of Christ that stopped me, ooooohhhh my, my, my, my, my

My Morning Release

O.M.FRIK'N G.
I not too long woke  up, after talking to a friend on the phone
I know it was kind of early, but that was the way it goes
about 5 minutes after i hung up the phone, i had this uncomfortable feeling
I knew what time it was, so i did something that would start the healing
My stomach was in pain, and i felt really bad
hell, i was borderline mad
I sat on that seat, and prayed to my father in Heaven, and as I looked up
FATHER, PLEASE TAKE AWAY THIS PRESSURE THAT HAS BUILT UP
Release me Lord, because it is too much to handle, and i need to let this go
almost IMMEDIATELY after my request, this is what was granted to me
almost instantly, i had a great monkey taken away from me, oooowwwweeeee
I was again able to breath, and my speech was not so hard and strained
thank you so much... OOHHH LAWD... thanks
got up from my porcelain chair, and cleaned up where I sat
scratched my ass and pulled up my pants, and into the bed I went back...

"xpressURself"

To My Friend....(Mended Heart)

To my friend,
I heard you when you said it, I just did not know how to take it
This thing in your heart, there is no way to fake it
I wish you could break it
For the sake of carrying on, this trust issue can not be evaded
Yea I understand, it hurts and you do not want to face it
And there are no words in the world that can replace it
Your heart will take you as far as you allow yourself to take it
Put that shit in the past, and allow yourself to make it
That dude is waiting for you to make your choice.
And he will not move until he hears your voice
Go ahead and keep up that wall, and making no noise
You could be missing out on a plethora of joys
Holding a grudge has never been good booboo
You told me that you were fucked up, so what are you gonna do
This dude is crazy about you
And he is waiting for you to say that pain is through
I need you to survive, and only you can make that step
The 1st is saying it is over, and you will not fret
Live your life without worry or threat
You will probably smile a little more, I am willing to bet.
You make that 1st move, and I promise he will make the next 4
That pain you carry with you, you will have no more
He is capable of lifting you up causing you to hurt no more
Just imaging the joys and the glory you’d have in store
Just reconcile, and forgive, and witness will be you
He has sssooo many things to carry you through
The things you have missed out on, will be given to you
Jesus Christ carries out all the things he said he would do.

"xpressURsellf"

running back into a fist @@@

 what are these words that you keep on telling me
they sound really good, and they are floating deep
you got me secure, believing what you say
I look forward to your bullshit, every day
"You are tired of his shit", "this nigga gotta go"
"he has disrespected me for the last time, i gotta let him know"
you tell me WHEN you get outta this situation, you are not getting back into it
2 months down the line, I noticed that you ran back into another fist...
WHY???


"xpressURself"

home alone... eating chili...

i had some chili and beans, cooked them myself
home alone, with no one else
a place of solitude, in need of rest
head hurting badly, breaking out in a deep sweat
my day is almost over, need to wash some clothes
going on a little trip tomorrow, and i am ready to go
will be taking care of some business, then go watch a show
have a lot of support in my corner, pointing my direction of where i need to go
Father, teach me to speak, control my flow
a day and a life, my life is to claim true
and do what i know i need to do
for this is my life, and i finally know what i need to do
finally realizing, my life belongs not to me, but to you



"xpressURself"