what is the basis of the things that you speak of
you try to make sense, but that is impossible when speak of love
is there anything else that makes you think for a change
running all around, totally deranged
having to wait around when you know you messed up
given an altermatum that you know is not sticky stuck
i mean you do what you are asked, and things still do not work
you should have fixed some things from the beginning, instead of being a jerk
the reality is here, of what is to become
what is to come? karma is a bitch, and she will come.
"xpressurself"
Without qualifications, completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings!
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
...........
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
I am trying...... it really does not matter
Father i am trying to be patient, and I am trying
but the urge is too strong for me, and there is no need in denying
Even when she is not in my eyesight i smell her scent
when i look around, to search for her, once again i am wondering where she went
i have spent a great deal of my life with distractions that i incurred on my own
and each time you come around, there goes another, and when i look up each time you are gone
God sends you back around for a reason
Even now, i really do not understand, but dammit I am definitely listening
now, i have prayed for many things, and each time i have received
This is one thing I thought wouldn’t even be a thought because of the time between
Now you have placed me in positions where i have learned who I am
Finally I know what i am to do, my purpose in life, but why now, i mean mmmaaannn
Yes you have given me my assignment, and you have taught me patience to the 5th power
you have taught me how and when to silence myself, and to stop trying to be the man of the hour
I have always known how to accept the good with the bad
to get what I get and take care of it, no matter what it is i had
God I am asking you to grant me my life with what i have encountered for close to 20 years
grant me the excitement and calmness that i feel EACH time she comes near
This is the only woman that i can honestly say that I would snatch my frik’n heart out and give it to her is she needed it
and would not even worry about replacing it
what i have which is not much is all for her
her mistakes, issues, her situation i will not take it, but together we will deal with it
hell i will help you with that monkey, but i will not invest it
I mean, we made our own individual beds, but i do not see why we cannot lie on that mattress together
We can fight this shit, whenever, however, forever
I am just praying God allows us to do it..... TOGETHER...... HOWEVER... WHENEVER.... TOGETHER....
with blood sweat and tears..... To me, it really does not matter
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Monday, September 5, 2011
A time of change..... in Love
Thank you father.... i thank you for your many mercies that you have given each day… the many times i have messed up in your eyes by not doing the things that i would say… I pray…. In the near future I want to get an understanding of why things happen the way they do… why is it I can’t focus more on my assignment, which has come from you… Now father, I really do not want to talk, but if it is ok, I would just like to vent for a second… just to tell you some things that have been on my mind, and I reckon, that while I am releasing some much held on aggression, it just makes sense to go ahead and have a “come unto Jesus” session……. Ever since my separation and divorce I never gave myself a chance, to dance on my own and allow myself to lead ME, and re-direct my life plans. I wanted to act out for a while, and show my butt, and just be Van. I never did that, as a matter of fact I stayed in my marriage program, being cool as a fan, something many will never understand. But I am a man, nigga get on out there and do what you do, this is what they are expecting from you, I just could not get myself to carry it through. Still programmed with the things that was deposited from wedlock, I got all these big ideas of focusing on this proposition of having my own, doing my own, and being able to do these things ON my own… well, long story short, I am still in it, hard to stay focused, but I do plan to win it. I am on the right track, I have passed the beginning. Many distractions I faced, and love I embraced. Love feeling sssoooo good, after I actually got a taste .i mean I loved Love, and I still do for it has been so good to me. It showed me its many forms, and love showed me some things about me. So I became an advocate of love, loving the whole meaning of its being. And I saw that it was not sex being the pulling wheel, but just believing. I realized that love was my distraction from moving me in your direction. Love became my other god, now I stand before you in submission. And with your permission, I ask that I be forgiven for placing you second. You were my first love, that should have never been replaced, and as for me, I reckon there is a section in your word, that I need to pay more attention to. The 4th verse to Revelation 2…. To be continued…..
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Exclusive.... Exclusively... ***
The poet spoke, but was not heard.
So many things going on at once, with no understanding of
What is happening to himself.
So he instead, insists on not saying a word.
Life has come at many angles,
as this has been one ride after another.
The fact of the matter is he does want to see him
But, does not want the fight of life any more...
I just don't want to be the reason for the pain,
Because, of the thoughts of believing in another
So don't bother.
He kept you close, with a mighty fight
He didn't keep trying just to have you run away,
But without you, it just does not seem right.
You came into his existence at a time
When he needed you the most.
You did something,
To his way of thinking,
That encouraged me to accept love in the open.
Now, i am hoping.
I hope there can be some type of rekindling for his soul,
Because he has been broken.
And coming back to reality is inevitable, though
It may just take a little more time than it was originally factored...
But the hassle is worth the fight...
Even unto death...
Yes even unto death...
I mean after all you died.... for US.
And you came back , and a different person he was.
But right now i there is no more fight left.
He came back beating down your door,
And now he sits in his own sorrow,
Today, praying there is forever, a tomorrow
And a place of where he needs to be.
You died for me, him, US, so please,
allow me, him, US to live for you.....
"xpressurself"
9/4/2011
So many things going on at once, with no understanding of
What is happening to himself.
So he instead, insists on not saying a word.
Life has come at many angles,
as this has been one ride after another.
The fact of the matter is he does want to see him
But, does not want the fight of life any more...
I just don't want to be the reason for the pain,
Because, of the thoughts of believing in another
So don't bother.
He kept you close, with a mighty fight
He didn't keep trying just to have you run away,
But without you, it just does not seem right.
You came into his existence at a time
When he needed you the most.
You did something,
To his way of thinking,
That encouraged me to accept love in the open.
Now, i am hoping.
I hope there can be some type of rekindling for his soul,
Because he has been broken.
And coming back to reality is inevitable, though
It may just take a little more time than it was originally factored...
But the hassle is worth the fight...
Even unto death...
Yes even unto death...
I mean after all you died.... for US.
And you came back , and a different person he was.
But right now i there is no more fight left.
He came back beating down your door,
And now he sits in his own sorrow,
Today, praying there is forever, a tomorrow
And a place of where he needs to be.
You died for me, him, US, so please,
allow me, him, US to live for you.....
"xpressurself"
9/4/2011
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Who is me?
I am that I
am, and that is who I am to be
I have tried
to come up with reasoning to why I was made to be who you see
Many things
I have changed about myself, that are gone for good
If I could
totally change anything else, I am certain that I would
I have been
predestined before the day I was born
My heart is
a place of refuge for most, is this a blessing or a thorn
I maintain a
constant battle, I maintain a consistent ambition
The love I
have in me for people raises an ongoing suspicion
Take me or
leave me or throw me out to the ravens
Ain’t no
funny motives, and I am not in need of saving
Just a
sincere approach to try to expose my being
Why am I
built this way, the answer is extremely freeing
I am that I
am, and that is who I am to be
My reasoning
for being this way is that is how God made me……..
"xpressurself"
"xpressurself"
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
All is well with my Soul.....
Tis the day the Lord hath made, and thus far all is well in my soul
Through the months of depression and anguish and fear, and other emotions that I have tried to withhold
I rest on the comfort in knowing that my days come one day at a time
Some days I am so damn angry, and others I am doing just fine
Me being a Gemini is the first excuse most pull to their simple minds
OMG, this dude is bi-polar is the other excuse that I seem to be confined
I have learned that my tolerance for stupidity, and unconcern for me brings out the worse in me
i have not tried to be the ass that i am, but as for this moment, this is how it has to be
At one time it was me that use to give all that I had for others, without looking for anything in return
The person that I THOUGHT God had given to me would be the last person on earth that would leave me out there to be burned
So the trust of a woman in my life is gone, and I have no idea how to get that back
Many claim to be down for me, but it is themselves they focus on keeping on track
Me being honest is a given, but being forceful in my speech
This is not who I am, this is truly not me
When I sense bullshit, my phuck you button is pressed and I drift away ever so slowly and cautiously
Will I ever be reprogrammed into who I am, I will in time; prayerfully
I have recently realized that I MAY be damaged goods, it was recently brought to my attention
I pray I am capable to open up again, to hurt anyone is never my intention
But I am that I am, and my phuck it button is out of service until that moment my dumb shit tolerance level is triggered
I will remain isolated in my little island of solitude, and just come out to visit the sun randomly i figure
I will deal with those that i KNOW love me, and took the time to know how i became who i have become
As of a little while ago, but whole being has just become so numb.
I have been visited by my Savior, Jesus and he has given me a peace of mind, for I wish to again be made whole
As for today, this is the day that the Lord hath made, and thus far, all is well in my soul
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
TAKING BABY-STEPS (john 5:1-8)
look at all of these people, walking around, crossing over me
as if i am invisible and not where i need to be.
just like them, i need a blessing for this ailment that is within.
i been here so long daily, from day front to day end
waiting, twit-ling my fingers, hoping someone would just... lend me a helping hand.
taking me where i have always prayed to be, just to feel that feeling of being man
just to be a part of something, is this dream that i sought,
to move forward in this venture that makes me giddy from the mere thought
not necessarily for finances, but for the passion that lies in the midst.
I just have to get it on and running, but my motivation always becomes hidden
i become my own stumbling block, blocking myself from moving forward, because i realize i am unable to move,
i need assistance in getting to my miracle to do what i have to do
being able to stand on my own,
but until then I will waller alone
then here comes of a man, looking as if crossing me over is his main goal...
but instead he looked down at me and asked me " WILT THOU BE MADE WHOLE"
I looked up at him with that "woe is me" on my face,
each time i try to get to my dream, i am crossed over and then replaced
then the man just looked down and said, PICK UP YOUR MAT & MOVE...
TAKE NO EXTRA BUT WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU, AND DO EXACTLY WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO
he then told me, GET UP, STAND TO YOUR FEET AND REGURGITATE THESE PATHETIC EXCUSES THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN IN
TAKE UP YOUR MAT, WHICH ARE ALL OF THOSE ITEMS YOU HAVE ACCUMULATED AND CARRY THEM TO THE TRASH BEND.
NOW BEFORE YOU HAVE ANY TIME TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND FOOLISHLY BEGAN TO TALK...............................
"WALK"
TELL NO ONE OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED, BECAUSE YOU JUST MAY DAMAGE YOURSELF BY TELLING SOMEONE ELSE YOUR PLANS
AND THEY JUST MAY BE USED AGAINST YOU, AND YOUR DREAMS COULD END UP IN ANOTHER S HANDS
NOW MOVE AS I TELL YOU, YOU CAN NOT DO ALL OF THIS TOO FAST
MOVING FORWARD IS REMEMBERING, BUT NOT DWELLING ON YOUR PAST
NOW REMEMBER THAT YOU WAS IN A STATE OF LAZINESS, WHICH IS ALL THAT REALLY WAS
YOU SAT THERE FOR SO LONG WAITING ON SOMEONE ELSE TO DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING, BUT MY FRIEND, THAT IS NOW ALL ABUZZ
NOW YOU HAVE TAKEN UP YOUR MAT, BUT THAT WAS ONLY THE FIRST STEP
THE NEXT ONE IS TO KEEP IT POPPING, BUT LOOK FOR YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER, AND NO OTHER BEING FOR HELP
WHEN YOU FALL I WILL LIFT YOU, WHEN YOU BECOME WEAK, I WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH.
I AM HE THAT CAN GET YOU TO MY FATHER. I AM HE THAT WAS SENT
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS YOU HAVE ALL THAT YOU NEED WITHIN YOU, YOU NEED NOTHING ELSE
ALL I AM SAYING TO YOU, IS JUST KEEP IT MOVING, BUT DO NOT RUSH, FOR THIS IS YOUR BEGINNING, JUST TAKE BABYSTEPS...
"xpressurself"
as if i am invisible and not where i need to be.
just like them, i need a blessing for this ailment that is within.
i been here so long daily, from day front to day end
waiting, twit-ling my fingers, hoping someone would just... lend me a helping hand.
taking me where i have always prayed to be, just to feel that feeling of being man
just to be a part of something, is this dream that i sought,
to move forward in this venture that makes me giddy from the mere thought
not necessarily for finances, but for the passion that lies in the midst.
I just have to get it on and running, but my motivation always becomes hidden
i become my own stumbling block, blocking myself from moving forward, because i realize i am unable to move,
i need assistance in getting to my miracle to do what i have to do
being able to stand on my own,
but until then I will waller alone
then here comes of a man, looking as if crossing me over is his main goal...
but instead he looked down at me and asked me " WILT THOU BE MADE WHOLE"
I looked up at him with that "woe is me" on my face,
each time i try to get to my dream, i am crossed over and then replaced
then the man just looked down and said, PICK UP YOUR MAT & MOVE...
TAKE NO EXTRA BUT WHAT I HAVE TOLD YOU, AND DO EXACTLY WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO
he then told me, GET UP, STAND TO YOUR FEET AND REGURGITATE THESE PATHETIC EXCUSES THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN IN
TAKE UP YOUR MAT, WHICH ARE ALL OF THOSE ITEMS YOU HAVE ACCUMULATED AND CARRY THEM TO THE TRASH BEND.
NOW BEFORE YOU HAVE ANY TIME TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND FOOLISHLY BEGAN TO TALK...............................
"WALK"
TELL NO ONE OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED, BECAUSE YOU JUST MAY DAMAGE YOURSELF BY TELLING SOMEONE ELSE YOUR PLANS
AND THEY JUST MAY BE USED AGAINST YOU, AND YOUR DREAMS COULD END UP IN ANOTHER S HANDS
NOW MOVE AS I TELL YOU, YOU CAN NOT DO ALL OF THIS TOO FAST
MOVING FORWARD IS REMEMBERING, BUT NOT DWELLING ON YOUR PAST
NOW REMEMBER THAT YOU WAS IN A STATE OF LAZINESS, WHICH IS ALL THAT REALLY WAS
YOU SAT THERE FOR SO LONG WAITING ON SOMEONE ELSE TO DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING, BUT MY FRIEND, THAT IS NOW ALL ABUZZ
NOW YOU HAVE TAKEN UP YOUR MAT, BUT THAT WAS ONLY THE FIRST STEP
THE NEXT ONE IS TO KEEP IT POPPING, BUT LOOK FOR YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER, AND NO OTHER BEING FOR HELP
WHEN YOU FALL I WILL LIFT YOU, WHEN YOU BECOME WEAK, I WILL GIVE YOU STRENGTH.
I AM HE THAT CAN GET YOU TO MY FATHER. I AM HE THAT WAS SENT
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS YOU HAVE ALL THAT YOU NEED WITHIN YOU, YOU NEED NOTHING ELSE
ALL I AM SAYING TO YOU, IS JUST KEEP IT MOVING, BUT DO NOT RUSH, FOR THIS IS YOUR BEGINNING, JUST TAKE BABYSTEPS...
"xpressurself"
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Monday, August 22, 2011
WHY I WISH TO SPIT.............
I was asked the question, why I wanna learn to spit,
I wanna spit for the sake of keeping it real, saying exactly what it is i feel
no one can ever say to me that i said something good and later on i am looking for an appeal
i spit for the realization of knowing that i have something to say
that will probably help someone on their journey, on their way
when they get down on their knees and do not know what to say when they began to pray
i wanna spit for my dudes that carry on that load, as we weigh ourselves down as we trod down that road
holding all that mess in our hearts that we are afraid to let go
from not having that MAN in our life just to say yes, or no, and our mothers end up running the show
i wanna spit for my sisters that act like a bitch, when no one understands their lives and the crap they deal with, because of these nothing ass niggas' bullshit... thinking about how can they live with our wit,
we would prefer to conquer the world with our dicks, and our Queens are just getting tired of that shit..( NOW I DIGRESS.......)
i spit for those trying to move forward in Christ, when the holier than though are really not that nice,
and us lil ole sinners become smaller than rice, and those that we SHOULD look to for guidance are either trying to be enticed, stealing money from God, or trying to sleep with the other members wives...
THIS IS WHY I SPIT....
i spit to keep my sanity in tact, because i admit sometimes i do not know how to act. i must vent to keep peace within myself, in fact, i want to express myself and build myself up with the strength that i lack
i want to spit for my mother, and my sisters, the real ass women in my life, my best friend, and my lady, and for the hope of again finding a wife, my nephews, nieces, my God-baby, my grandparents, my uncles, aunts, cousins, my haters and all that have helped me make it through all of this unnecessary strife
I want to spit for the sake of keeping it real, saying exactly what it is that i feel, expressing my love for being in love, and telling of how love has made me feel... and the marks of where i have gotten hit
this is why i wish to spit
"xpressurself"
I wanna spit for the sake of keeping it real, saying exactly what it is i feel
no one can ever say to me that i said something good and later on i am looking for an appeal
i spit for the realization of knowing that i have something to say
that will probably help someone on their journey, on their way
when they get down on their knees and do not know what to say when they began to pray
i wanna spit for my dudes that carry on that load, as we weigh ourselves down as we trod down that road
holding all that mess in our hearts that we are afraid to let go
from not having that MAN in our life just to say yes, or no, and our mothers end up running the show
i wanna spit for my sisters that act like a bitch, when no one understands their lives and the crap they deal with, because of these nothing ass niggas' bullshit... thinking about how can they live with our wit,
we would prefer to conquer the world with our dicks, and our Queens are just getting tired of that shit..( NOW I DIGRESS.......)
i spit for those trying to move forward in Christ, when the holier than though are really not that nice,
and us lil ole sinners become smaller than rice, and those that we SHOULD look to for guidance are either trying to be enticed, stealing money from God, or trying to sleep with the other members wives...
THIS IS WHY I SPIT....
i spit to keep my sanity in tact, because i admit sometimes i do not know how to act. i must vent to keep peace within myself, in fact, i want to express myself and build myself up with the strength that i lack
i want to spit for my mother, and my sisters, the real ass women in my life, my best friend, and my lady, and for the hope of again finding a wife, my nephews, nieces, my God-baby, my grandparents, my uncles, aunts, cousins, my haters and all that have helped me make it through all of this unnecessary strife
I want to spit for the sake of keeping it real, saying exactly what it is that i feel, expressing my love for being in love, and telling of how love has made me feel... and the marks of where i have gotten hit
this is why i wish to spit
"xpressurself"
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
God is a Great,,,,
how great is he that keeps us from bumping into a brick wall
at the last minute he catches us from that mighty fall
moves those big holes in our walkway so we can continue to walk on that path
BUT WE STILL ALWAYS FALL IN, it is not Gods fault you choose to walk the opposite way so fast
how often do we get off of that straight and narrow, and begin to go the way WE pick
and we allways call on HIM when we fall face first in our own shit
either we are taking too long to get to where we are trying to go
Yet we end up taking 3 times longer because we wanted to lead the show.
then when we get so far in trouble we have the nerves to ask God why did he take us that route
and God be like, **REALLY, SERIOUSLY, WWWOOOOWWW**
so, what does he do, he takes us back that same route, just to show us what was really down that path
and though we took it upon ourselves, he hid the dangers from us, only scaring us and i would not be surprised if he was laughing at our dumb ass
and that same place where we left off, he is still there, READY to takes where we were suppose to go from the jump
willing to carry us through the hard plains and mountains, and dangers and scarry stuff.
And the funny part is that we still have the ordacity to still complain when things still do not go our way.
Well I will put it like this, God is still the best in my book, and that is all i have to say
we need to get our minds right, and start thinking about how we got to where we are
he could have left us at that detour we took, and left us lost, and afraid, and scarred.
i know this is not church, but we need to thank God for all that he has done
and each time satan came and grabbed us, praise God for the victory he has won.....
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
There is nothing that i would not give
how in the hell did i get into this.
something that I thought i wanted, but DDDAAAMMMNNN, TO THIS SHIT
i gotta say it is nice, but I know i gotta occasionally tighten my grip
this feeling i have to admit, this is something i never had, so it is something i have never;missed
Me and my being defensive over something i asked for , kind of makes me a hypocrite
but i don't want to hear about me, not even a little bit
i need to do this, and i need to do that..... ain't that some "ish"
i wanna be who i am, and do what i want and live how i want to live
i just know that i can't do that, but what is it do i have to give
i have been told, "you don't like to listen, and am like, it is what it is
i is just who i is....
i be thinking mind your business, leave me alone live the life you live
BUT after all of that to feel like i am being looked after, loved and cared for, and not used in the process, there is nothing that i would not give
something that I thought i wanted, but DDDAAAMMMNNN, TO THIS SHIT
i gotta say it is nice, but I know i gotta occasionally tighten my grip
this feeling i have to admit, this is something i never had, so it is something i have never;missed
Me and my being defensive over something i asked for , kind of makes me a hypocrite
but i don't want to hear about me, not even a little bit
i need to do this, and i need to do that..... ain't that some "ish"
i wanna be who i am, and do what i want and live how i want to live
i just know that i can't do that, but what is it do i have to give
i have been told, "you don't like to listen, and am like, it is what it is
i is just who i is....
i be thinking mind your business, leave me alone live the life you live
BUT after all of that to feel like i am being looked after, loved and cared for, and not used in the process, there is nothing that i would not give
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
did i really do that?
as this day begins, i release myself from thinking i can conquer the worlds issues on my own
i personnally take myself away from the world of giving my life to the outside world of beong in control
there have been damage relationships, broken hearts, and pissed off people in my life that have counted on me to keep things together
instead i would take my frustration andother peoples negativity out on some thinking i would be able to hold it down
thinking i could do the same with those in my circle, with those that i needed, with those that i tried to keep around
i stand right now a coward, pleading to god to accept my failure and allow me to move on with my head in the air
father i thank you for doing what you do, and keeping it real with me, for your chastizement is painful but ever so fair.
all i can is you point out my issues and place them in front of me so i can not say that i missed them in the process
i know the deal, it is painful right now the way that i feel, it is a lesson though, nonetheless
i personnally take myself away from the world of giving my life to the outside world of beong in control
there have been damage relationships, broken hearts, and pissed off people in my life that have counted on me to keep things together
instead i would take my frustration andother peoples negativity out on some thinking i would be able to hold it down
thinking i could do the same with those in my circle, with those that i needed, with those that i tried to keep around
i stand right now a coward, pleading to god to accept my failure and allow me to move on with my head in the air
father i thank you for doing what you do, and keeping it real with me, for your chastizement is painful but ever so fair.
all i can is you point out my issues and place them in front of me so i can not say that i missed them in the process
i know the deal, it is painful right now the way that i feel, it is a lesson though, nonetheless
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Death To The Beginning....
is it possible to be in love with someone, while loving that person, loving money, loving sex, and on top of it all loving god.
yes it is.....
is it possible to be in love with someone, while loving that person, working on making money, needing to keep up with the desires of your heart with the person that u truly love, and on top of it all keeping a relationship with god.
yes it is....
one person where there are two in a relationship can not do it. unless there is a mutual participation it is not possible. the secret to being in any relationship is acknowledging who the person is that has the better knowledge of the other persons weekness, bring the two together and make it happen. the only way this will be possible is by being able to actually listen to the other person and learn from the other person. when you aaalllwwwaaayyysss want to be ther per that knows everything, you basically piss on the other person. and on the same level, when you think you always know what the other person is thinking, or know the other persons life, there begins the breakdown of the relationship. until the two individuals are able to come out of themselves and put themselves into the other person, this will be the start of what a relationship is really suppose to be about. there are several ways to attain money with plenty of hustle, the desires of your heart with much love, as well asmaintaining that love relationship. our past keeps us from moving forward. actually we end up becoming products of our past. this is death to a relationship to itself and another blog all together.....
to be continued.....
xpressurself
yes it is.....
is it possible to be in love with someone, while loving that person, working on making money, needing to keep up with the desires of your heart with the person that u truly love, and on top of it all keeping a relationship with god.
yes it is....
one person where there are two in a relationship can not do it. unless there is a mutual participation it is not possible. the secret to being in any relationship is acknowledging who the person is that has the better knowledge of the other persons weekness, bring the two together and make it happen. the only way this will be possible is by being able to actually listen to the other person and learn from the other person. when you aaalllwwwaaayyysss want to be ther per that knows everything, you basically piss on the other person. and on the same level, when you think you always know what the other person is thinking, or know the other persons life, there begins the breakdown of the relationship. until the two individuals are able to come out of themselves and put themselves into the other person, this will be the start of what a relationship is really suppose to be about. there are several ways to attain money with plenty of hustle, the desires of your heart with much love, as well asmaintaining that love relationship. our past keeps us from moving forward. actually we end up becoming products of our past. this is death to a relationship to itself and another blog all together.....
to be continued.....
xpressurself
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
i saw you.....
i saw you.......
from the first moment i saw you enter the room, i carefully looked away
we pretty much had eye contact all night, but not really anything to say
there were subliminal grins and adolescent shy aways, topped off with the coy knods
mayne i am thirty seven damn years old, this shit is becoming too damn odd
i turned away from staring and feeling like a stalker, i started to feel like i was being rude
this is not me, i am usually careful and coy, remaining a real cool, smooth dude
nonetheless, as the night passed, i continued working and doing what i do
as the night passed, you made it apparant that you knew that i saw you
then the boldness that was expressed made for an interesting week
i kept the thoughts in my head from that night and even at night when i would sleep
i was in the middle of a situation that eventually came to an end
there is no doubt god had a hand in this and before you and i could begin
things had to be done right, and indeed it was right
a bit off the normal way things are usually done i thank god for this night
had no idea what to expect, but i have no complaints, i am a bit overwhelmed to say the least
my uncertainties and fears were some main factors, but i quicky became at ease
i can not hold any thing i did being the reason for the result of us following through
i only acknowledged that i saw you
i mean at this point where we are right now, is unknown by man
it will take many a while before they understand
if only they would realize, their busines it is not
they only need to understand what it is that i got
i received another mercy from god, this is just what you are
another feeding of the five thousand, perfect placement of the stars
another spitting on the ground, for i once was blind
another changing water into wine
i was being groomed for you, allowing my trash to be presented
to be placed in front of me so that i could empty it
to be done with that foolishness that i use to do
he waited for the right time before i saw you.....
from the first moment i saw you enter the room, i carefully looked away
we pretty much had eye contact all night, but not really anything to say
there were subliminal grins and adolescent shy aways, topped off with the coy knods
mayne i am thirty seven damn years old, this shit is becoming too damn odd
i turned away from staring and feeling like a stalker, i started to feel like i was being rude
this is not me, i am usually careful and coy, remaining a real cool, smooth dude
nonetheless, as the night passed, i continued working and doing what i do
as the night passed, you made it apparant that you knew that i saw you
then the boldness that was expressed made for an interesting week
i kept the thoughts in my head from that night and even at night when i would sleep
i was in the middle of a situation that eventually came to an end
there is no doubt god had a hand in this and before you and i could begin
things had to be done right, and indeed it was right
a bit off the normal way things are usually done i thank god for this night
had no idea what to expect, but i have no complaints, i am a bit overwhelmed to say the least
my uncertainties and fears were some main factors, but i quicky became at ease
i can not hold any thing i did being the reason for the result of us following through
i only acknowledged that i saw you
i mean at this point where we are right now, is unknown by man
it will take many a while before they understand
if only they would realize, their busines it is not
they only need to understand what it is that i got
i received another mercy from god, this is just what you are
another feeding of the five thousand, perfect placement of the stars
another spitting on the ground, for i once was blind
another changing water into wine
i was being groomed for you, allowing my trash to be presented
to be placed in front of me so that i could empty it
to be done with that foolishness that i use to do
he waited for the right time before i saw you.....
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
This Easter Weekend................
Easter weekend was pretty good for me, even though i had a boil on my ass
it is actually one of the better weekends that i think i have had
Saturday i went to a bday party, and saw family i had not seen in a while
I saw this dude that i wanted to run over him with my truck, then back back over him with a smile
ate some really good food, talked loud for a minute, but i mostly sat still as much as i could
i mean, i had to keep moving instead of sitting on that hard wood
i was scooting from left to right in the seat, trying to find a spot i could put on a good front
so i continued to walk from the front to the back yard, yet trying to keep from looking like a dunse
so i danced to the old school music they would play while moving on my way.
This is pain i have never had nor will i wish on anyone, in no time of day
i am getting ready to leave and head around the corner to a friend of mine house
hung out with them that night doing the Michael Jackson on WII, and i had fun up until i left out
Easter Sunday was cool, went to a buddies church, then left and hung out with my fam.
i love those people, then i left from there, a tired and happy man.
"xpressurself"
it is actually one of the better weekends that i think i have had
Saturday i went to a bday party, and saw family i had not seen in a while
I saw this dude that i wanted to run over him with my truck, then back back over him with a smile
ate some really good food, talked loud for a minute, but i mostly sat still as much as i could
i mean, i had to keep moving instead of sitting on that hard wood
i was scooting from left to right in the seat, trying to find a spot i could put on a good front
so i continued to walk from the front to the back yard, yet trying to keep from looking like a dunse
so i danced to the old school music they would play while moving on my way.
This is pain i have never had nor will i wish on anyone, in no time of day
i am getting ready to leave and head around the corner to a friend of mine house
hung out with them that night doing the Michael Jackson on WII, and i had fun up until i left out
Easter Sunday was cool, went to a buddies church, then left and hung out with my fam.
i love those people, then i left from there, a tired and happy man.
"xpressurself"
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
i really just don't know.......
i find myself in a place that i do not kno
this should feel familiar, but it just dont
trying to figure out if i should come or go
i really just do not kno
my first thought is to go with the flow
live my life as it is, joining in with the show
this is emergency status right now, my heart is about to blow
i really just do not know
i have seen this scenery, but i realize it was only a show
less the cameras, and red tape, and video
not even any drama, but i am still wondering if i am capable to love again and let it show
i really just do not kno
but because it feels so good, i do not want to let it go
i feel like i am moving forward andif anyone wants to know
no i have never been in this atmosphere, i can get use to it though
dealing with the knowledge of the past, i promised to let it go
and i will, but i need time to do this, and a little patience, will i go all the way, i am sure i am, but how long will it take, i really just dont know
this should feel familiar, but it just dont
trying to figure out if i should come or go
i really just do not kno
my first thought is to go with the flow
live my life as it is, joining in with the show
this is emergency status right now, my heart is about to blow
i really just do not know
i have seen this scenery, but i realize it was only a show
less the cameras, and red tape, and video
not even any drama, but i am still wondering if i am capable to love again and let it show
i really just do not kno
but because it feels so good, i do not want to let it go
i feel like i am moving forward andif anyone wants to know
no i have never been in this atmosphere, i can get use to it though
dealing with the knowledge of the past, i promised to let it go
and i will, but i need time to do this, and a little patience, will i go all the way, i am sure i am, but how long will it take, i really just dont know
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Friday, April 29, 2011
To my Teachers
to my teachers that got caught up wit this bullshit, my heart goes out to you
especially if you are a good one, and did all you knew to do
using the education that you went to school for, just to use those skills to teach others
most times we saw you more than we saw our fathers and mothers
if it was not for you there would not be those dimwits that made those laws
there would not be the lawmakers, and money makers and those others that seem to hide their flaws
you taught us how to talk and discipline when our parents almost raised their hands as to say thevy give up
i love yhall for keeping it real with me when i stopped givn a fuck
you told me the truth about life when i gave up on life, but you did what you do
you put so many things into perspective, i thank yhall and i have to say keep your heads up, because you deserve so much better, you truly do...
xpresurself
especially if you are a good one, and did all you knew to do
using the education that you went to school for, just to use those skills to teach others
most times we saw you more than we saw our fathers and mothers
if it was not for you there would not be those dimwits that made those laws
there would not be the lawmakers, and money makers and those others that seem to hide their flaws
you taught us how to talk and discipline when our parents almost raised their hands as to say thevy give up
i love yhall for keeping it real with me when i stopped givn a fuck
you told me the truth about life when i gave up on life, but you did what you do
you put so many things into perspective, i thank yhall and i have to say keep your heads up, because you deserve so much better, you truly do...
xpresurself
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
lov'n the life....
i love my life, the life i live, and i plan to live the life i love
staying away from those that really do not give a damn about my plans and what i am really made of
i am a lover of people now though in the past, i really could care less about people in general,
but now i pray for individuals @ random praying for their salvation and hope they are able to live their life bountiful
i have gotten to the point where my concern is making sure people these days are laughing or smiling
i want to get past these hard times which are causing so many into this fad of wilding
we are an expressive people, and we have a lot on our minds
god has given us gifts to express ourselves, and to show them off, and this is the perfect time
some people sing themselves happy, dance themselves silly, and just need a way to speak out
some need a way to talk about what is on their hearts, and vent out loud
but we are too worried about what the judgmental bastards have to say
Jesus had to deal with them just the same, and we will in the same way
if they will agree with what/ how we feel or deal with things
we must seek the face of god and be able to accept all things
this is my line of defense against these gloomy days, as well as the haters that be
i am loving my life, the life i live, i plan to live this life i love, and you are welcome to live it with me
staying away from those that really do not give a damn about my plans and what i am really made of
i am a lover of people now though in the past, i really could care less about people in general,
but now i pray for individuals @ random praying for their salvation and hope they are able to live their life bountiful
i have gotten to the point where my concern is making sure people these days are laughing or smiling
i want to get past these hard times which are causing so many into this fad of wilding
we are an expressive people, and we have a lot on our minds
god has given us gifts to express ourselves, and to show them off, and this is the perfect time
some people sing themselves happy, dance themselves silly, and just need a way to speak out
some need a way to talk about what is on their hearts, and vent out loud
but we are too worried about what the judgmental bastards have to say
Jesus had to deal with them just the same, and we will in the same way
if they will agree with what/ how we feel or deal with things
we must seek the face of god and be able to accept all things
this is my line of defense against these gloomy days, as well as the haters that be
i am loving my life, the life i live, i plan to live this life i love, and you are welcome to live it with me
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Come on now people.....
This is a day where it does not matter where you are, who you are with, and what you are intending to do
There will always be these women with a bad build, and horrible wig, and a BAD ATTITUDE
it seems like every song about independent ladies is pointed towards them as if the song fits
when they know damn well, they never had shit, never did shit, and for the most part, really ain't about shit
I have spoke with, and identified with real women that have some things in their past to talk about
When your definition of struggle is having a house full of kids, and waiting on THOSE nothing ass niggas to bail your nothing ass out
I wish this would stop, and the real ladies show these other women what it means to go through a hard time
I am not captain save a hoe, nor the dude next door to share with you everything that is mine.
what you need is a clue of what it means to actually work for a living and buy your own stuff
and not counting on another person to take care of you, as if your contribution to the relationship is enough
Any woman can open her legs, and yes women back in the day had a lot more respect for who they are
They did not just let any random prick, prick them, they would actually set the bar
Men would have to climb the top tree, to learn how you are suppose to lady
Love does not come from good sex, nor what a man could do for you, or not being accustom to having a house full of babies
NOW granted, I am a firm believer of this ladies, us nothing ass men have totally screwed it up for the good dudes
We have manipulated many things, and made you feel cheap, and causing you to do a lot of things that you do.
We are to blame for a lot of things, because we were not the men we should have been
But women, how about i ask if you would just try this again.
Us men have a lot of making up to do, because of how royally messed up we have become
But God made you women emotional creatures, he did not make you to be dumb.
This world was suppose to be managed by us, and i have seen you step up and take control
Well, how about we ALL step up, and learn our own role
I love you ladies, and do not worry, the men will get it in the end
God Will not hold you accountable for the role he gave us men
So once again, go and talk to Great grandmother, and learn how to become virtual again
Stop settling for bullshit than comes from us dudes, and stop surviving and living according to your past pain
There will always be these women with a bad build, and horrible wig, and a BAD ATTITUDE
it seems like every song about independent ladies is pointed towards them as if the song fits
when they know damn well, they never had shit, never did shit, and for the most part, really ain't about shit
I have spoke with, and identified with real women that have some things in their past to talk about
When your definition of struggle is having a house full of kids, and waiting on THOSE nothing ass niggas to bail your nothing ass out
I wish this would stop, and the real ladies show these other women what it means to go through a hard time
I am not captain save a hoe, nor the dude next door to share with you everything that is mine.
what you need is a clue of what it means to actually work for a living and buy your own stuff
and not counting on another person to take care of you, as if your contribution to the relationship is enough
Any woman can open her legs, and yes women back in the day had a lot more respect for who they are
They did not just let any random prick, prick them, they would actually set the bar
Men would have to climb the top tree, to learn how you are suppose to lady
Love does not come from good sex, nor what a man could do for you, or not being accustom to having a house full of babies
NOW granted, I am a firm believer of this ladies, us nothing ass men have totally screwed it up for the good dudes
We have manipulated many things, and made you feel cheap, and causing you to do a lot of things that you do.
We are to blame for a lot of things, because we were not the men we should have been
But women, how about i ask if you would just try this again.
Us men have a lot of making up to do, because of how royally messed up we have become
But God made you women emotional creatures, he did not make you to be dumb.
This world was suppose to be managed by us, and i have seen you step up and take control
Well, how about we ALL step up, and learn our own role
I love you ladies, and do not worry, the men will get it in the end
God Will not hold you accountable for the role he gave us men
So once again, go and talk to Great grandmother, and learn how to become virtual again
Stop settling for bullshit than comes from us dudes, and stop surviving and living according to your past pain
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Monday, April 18, 2011
until we are thankful to see tomorrow...
I am finally getting out of my shy stage,
and doing what i want to do
I finally claimed this day, and it was a long time coming,
but i did tell the truth
I know she probably thinks i am a dork or something,
but it is all good and it is what it is
It has been on my heart for a while,
and i am glad i did what i did
i was probably not taken seriously,
and that is fine with me
until we are thankful to see tomorrow, in Jesus' name,
i pray tomorrow we are allowed to see....
maybe paths will cross, and maybe paths will go
in another direction
maybe paths will intersect at different times,
maybe God has finalized your destination
well, i put it like this, where ever you end up,
just pray God has his hand in it midst
In Jesus' name, walk in the direction of love,
as long as it is where the face of God is...
take the words for what it is worth,
and do not just blow them off
take the words for what they are worth,
take them in so they will not get lost...
one day God will place us all at a place where he wants us to be,
without pain and sorrow
Today has enough worries in itself, so be encouraged,
until we are thankful to see tomorrow
"xpressURself"
and doing what i want to do
I finally claimed this day, and it was a long time coming,
but i did tell the truth
I know she probably thinks i am a dork or something,
but it is all good and it is what it is
It has been on my heart for a while,
and i am glad i did what i did
i was probably not taken seriously,
and that is fine with me
until we are thankful to see tomorrow, in Jesus' name,
i pray tomorrow we are allowed to see....
maybe paths will cross, and maybe paths will go
in another direction
maybe paths will intersect at different times,
maybe God has finalized your destination
well, i put it like this, where ever you end up,
just pray God has his hand in it midst
In Jesus' name, walk in the direction of love,
as long as it is where the face of God is...
take the words for what it is worth,
and do not just blow them off
take the words for what they are worth,
take them in so they will not get lost...
one day God will place us all at a place where he wants us to be,
without pain and sorrow
Today has enough worries in itself, so be encouraged,
until we are thankful to see tomorrow
"xpressURself"
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
"Sunday"
The day of the Lord, the day chosen by man as being the Sabbath day, when we should all get refreshed
The day where God should be praised, and the day when men should rest
After a long week of work, partying, and acting a fool, this day many say we should go dressed in our best
Where the holier than “THOU” saints scare the real sinners away, because their facials, being so grotesque.
Well, my Bible teaches that anyone that comes is welcome into the house of the Lord
But, if a woman comes in with pants, and a man in his work clothes on a Sunday, they are not welcome in, regardless of what you have endured
It makes you wonder if the purpose of church is to complete the party from the night before,
Well all I can say is do what YOU do, because that ain’t what I am gonna do, because my God deserves so much more
The real Christian is the one that has no problem with their past being a testimony to others,
Nnnaaaawww, but these so called saints, and hypocrites would prefer to spend their worship experience down playing my sisters and brothers
I will not get on the Preachers and Deacons, that is up to God to have their dirt uncovered
They have strict instructions in the Bible, on their conduct, and lifestyles, and how they should be with one another
My Sundays are not what they use to be, I do not feel the same sense of urgency to give our lives to Christ.
We are not as into serving one another any more, we tend to worry more about our own life
Let’s bring the old school back into church, and get away from the Sunday Hype
My Sunday’s seem to be more routine, ready to get in and get out and go on with my life
So to the real children of God, that are actually concerned about the well being of women and men
There are entirely too many folk kissing up to god, thinking this is how they will get in.
So to raise awareness of the rising issue of people staying outside of the building, because of the evil that is within
God described our bodies as holy temples; the church is more of a tent of meeting for the sick in spirit can go in
It is not about you nor me, but it is about Jesus Christ, and all that there is to be about his life
He died for us so that we can be free from the evil one, let’s start filling the church up tight
Let the Preacher, preach, and the Deacons teach, while the choir sing those Zion songs, singing about all of the hype.
Sunday is coming around again, so let’s get in the place, and let’s get together and do praise and worship right…
-”xpressURself”
The day where God should be praised, and the day when men should rest
After a long week of work, partying, and acting a fool, this day many say we should go dressed in our best
Where the holier than “THOU” saints scare the real sinners away, because their facials, being so grotesque.
Well, my Bible teaches that anyone that comes is welcome into the house of the Lord
But, if a woman comes in with pants, and a man in his work clothes on a Sunday, they are not welcome in, regardless of what you have endured
It makes you wonder if the purpose of church is to complete the party from the night before,
Well all I can say is do what YOU do, because that ain’t what I am gonna do, because my God deserves so much more
The real Christian is the one that has no problem with their past being a testimony to others,
Nnnaaaawww, but these so called saints, and hypocrites would prefer to spend their worship experience down playing my sisters and brothers
I will not get on the Preachers and Deacons, that is up to God to have their dirt uncovered
They have strict instructions in the Bible, on their conduct, and lifestyles, and how they should be with one another
My Sundays are not what they use to be, I do not feel the same sense of urgency to give our lives to Christ.
We are not as into serving one another any more, we tend to worry more about our own life
Let’s bring the old school back into church, and get away from the Sunday Hype
My Sunday’s seem to be more routine, ready to get in and get out and go on with my life
So to the real children of God, that are actually concerned about the well being of women and men
There are entirely too many folk kissing up to god, thinking this is how they will get in.
So to raise awareness of the rising issue of people staying outside of the building, because of the evil that is within
God described our bodies as holy temples; the church is more of a tent of meeting for the sick in spirit can go in
It is not about you nor me, but it is about Jesus Christ, and all that there is to be about his life
He died for us so that we can be free from the evil one, let’s start filling the church up tight
Let the Preacher, preach, and the Deacons teach, while the choir sing those Zion songs, singing about all of the hype.
Sunday is coming around again, so let’s get in the place, and let’s get together and do praise and worship right…
-”xpressURself”
Without any qualifications, but completely conveying information or expressing thoughts and feelings, I express as I feel.
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