listen to my heart

Luke 7:44, 47

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

 

this disdain for love has become a sour feeling in the spirit

can you not feel it? do you not hear it?

she gave all of her, even the precious small of her. placing it all on the broadest parts of her

she loved much, but no one ever reciprocated even the smallest bit back to her 

the more that was given, the more was appreciated and she gave and gave until she didnt

so much has been taken, that her gift of forgiveness has been locked up and hidden

forbidden from the world, including from herself for that was her whole secret to living

driven into that box of insecurity and mistrust

she loved love, until she didn't.... 

too many moments where her love was returned just a little

so her love became scarce, and she began to love more of a little.

like the small of a mustard seed, she feels just as little

with an over-sized heart, it has become feeble and brittle

she knew of this man from the chatter and talk around the town

she made her way to the place he was about to fellowship, for he was known all around

now the breathlessness has arrested her and her heart is taking a while slow down

she is now feeling a sense of helplessness from the sinful yet selfless actions of her past

how does she approach this guess that is about to cross near her path

this uneasiness has become her reaction to stress.

now the irritability of her restlessness has  put on a brand new test

He walks in, I can imagine he is looking and possibly waiting for a traditional greeting

but everyone is questionable about how they are to greet him,

from the thick of the dust from his possibly long journey

then there was her, overwhelmingly emotional and inadvertently un-wordy

faucet running from her eyes, forming a puddle onto his feet

she dropped down, with the tears from her eyes, and some oil she carried, she began 

to with the wool of her hair she wiped til it was complete

life has impeached her for so long, and the love that she has been so often searching

that love stood right in her shadow as if they were submerging.

she became the most important example of the evening.

do you think the men in the room were actually listening???

I bet it went way over their heads.

What happens when I want to kiss you

What happens when I want to kiss you?

My mental state is under attack, with mindless emotions

that i have had for the past 5 or 6 years knowing and hoping

for that opportunity, yet unbeknownst me, a distance was approaching.

We are just friends; true?

i gotta be careful not to pour it on too fast

give it all i got, boy don't come at her half assed

all gassed up yet cool with it, but be easy. her mind is caught up with her past.

I am a "G", and I see this shit through

utterly speaking, needing to exhale these phrases,

as my expressions go twisting a-bout, coming and going in phases

critiquing my words, they remain dormant, with safety.

for what reason am I so afraid of you?

  

The flow of resentment (restart)

 She said..

You just need to get here, Get yourself placed, on these grounds.

Dont fear, i feel like God is wanting you to just come on down.

There is a lot down here for you

I can help you with what you are needing me to do.

I know, you have said to me you do not want to leave your job just yet.

You want to be sure to get a score first before you say yes.

I get it, i do, but i just feel, you just need to get here.

Get here, we can figure it all out.

I got you until you get a score, we will be good til we figure it out.

When your business gets off the ground, i feel like God is telling me you got us covered.

You will be just fine, we will not worry to suffer

I need you here, i am a proverbs 31 wife.

This house will be made a home, and we will enjoy our life.

Baby, just come. Just get here. Everything will be just fine.

Stop worrying yourself, i know you hate to burden anyone else, i am preparing for you to be on your grind.

Well, i am here, and yes, God blessed me with my occupation.

I get here to my own mental struggles, and false connotations.

Partial thoughts, led to partial explanations.

The money ran out, leading to panic and degradation.

Unconditional love, is really love with conditional expectations

moving... (restart)

i really did not feel like doing  moving
but i had to
the problem with moving all of your baggage is
the things you had, and was probably important, for
one reason or another, they were placed somewhere
or you accidently hid them from yourself.
and it was for you only, exposed to no one else
so the whold while you are sitting around, or whatever,
living your life, you never thought about those things
 that had been placed, or hidden from yourself
that you kept away from everyone else
going on from day to day, with no
thoughts about time.

10.16.2024

Love lost

 I love love, though I've lost the form of loving and seeing it through

Life has a way of removing the true essence of living and redirecting the truth.

The beginning of things are usually characterized by what's in front of you.

For a real and honest person, the beginning is usually the honest truth about you.

As life goes on,  some of the best  songs are written by our own pens.

Our minds see what we want in our future praying our past never shows up again.

Are we perfect, of course not, do we try, Most definitely.

We do what we can to be the person the other wants us to be.

Wanting to be needed is essential, and as important as breathing.

Though they continue missing that life line, you often wonder what it is they are seeing.

I see you, and i always have, though there is still much to be learned..

 Through the mistakes and the pain, sun and the rain, it is understood, the respect isn't gained, but earned.

I am not who or what I was, and trying to not hate is becoming hard

I will keep telling myself, this is not my fight, then why am I still getting scarred?

The best teachers offer the best lessons, and life is still molding and teaching me the unimportant things that need to be tossed.

Only love makes a person change, and i love love, with all of the.new new,and i am OK with all that has been lost.

"2TDM"

II Corinthians 5:17-18 NKJV

[17] Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. [18] Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 

https://bible.com/bible/114/2co.5.17-18.NKJV

"MAYDAY MAYDAY" One day in May

 Happy bday to me

Happy bday to me

Happy bday to mmeeeeee

Happy bday to.me

"May, 2009"

The 3 wise men and I, hoping

I.can get assistance.

Wisdom and direction,

 I needed this.

Hurting and trying to

Dismiss this.

But I am being told

To briefly take a back

Seat to the masses.

Why should i care about

Their asses?

The end of my life....

The end of us....... 

May , 2012

Gotta get home

The weather is bad

Careful Dare devil,  the day

Before Memorial Day just wanting

To make it home. It's dark and its wet

and the water is swelling and the rain 

Is really.coming down.

Not much that can be done

When your vehicle begins to drown.

May 22,-2015

A gunshot hits hard when its

Burning through  your skin

Fear feels  a bit real

when there is a hole in your skin

Panic totally consumes you after 

watching uour fluids pour out your skin

This is the beginning of my end, I

Totally did  not deserve this.

May  19 2017

Sssoooo, as if it was not bad enough,

It was raining outside.

This stanky bitch starts all this shit,

Then to top it off, she lies

I was simply wanting to go to sleep.

I truly just needed some rest.

Not being at my best, 

feeling less and less

Calm and more irritated.

One more lick, now I am 

tired of the shit.  Still maintaining

But trapped behind that damn steel

From truth being fabricated.

May 2023

Look at me. Now...

Just look.at me

Happy birthday to me

how wonderfully fearful

The Bible told them that they were fearfully 

and wonderfully made
their path was wonderfully paved
as they sat fearfully away
as a fearful slave
all awhile sitting around rotting from day to day
The only hope they had was when they would kneel down on
 their rice planted knees and
their  cotton picking hands, fearfully kneeling to pray.
They had hope, as well as faith
they held on tight to that from day to day
steady reading the word,
though to some this may sound absurd, but they would wait for what God had to say
they did not realize that the whole while they was sitting waiting
God was pretty much doing the same. Waiting for them to believe
in HIM.
when they MOVED, the fear started to brake
when they stepped out of that fear,
then slowly, with their own steps, they started to make
and oh how wonderful they felt, with those deep breaths they began to take
they would stand up to their master, full of rage
now realizing just how fearful and wonderful what it was God had made
They made their own footprints, traveling their own way
at this point not really giving a damn about what anyone else had to say.

 

UtterlySpeaking.....

Psalms 139:14 NKJV

[14] I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.

https://bible.com/bible/114/psa.139.14.NKJV

Dating... No Truths - II Corinthians 4:18 NKJV

Dating is debatable.
The necessity is not verifiable.
Send me truths,
 that are reliable.
Explaining when, and what I am supposed
To do.
Fools search for perfection in a person
Only to end up with years wasted.
But you dated for so long, when the truth
Was always in your face.
If only u listened when you FIRST asked
 God To show you if you should go forward
Do you still think you would have gone onward
Our hearts will get us killed, our minds
Work just fine.
Common sense ain't always common
But our senses  point out those signs.
Now look at you, fear has now set in.
The fucked up way shit ended is  keeping
You from how you should begin.
 no truths lie in dating, who are you really
Getting to know.
Just a few conversations are needed, and
The darkness will fade out
HE  will allow that light to show.
"UtterlySpeaking"

II Corinthians 4:18 NKJV

[18] while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

https://bible.com/bible/114/2co.4.18.NKJV