I woke up like this

They always call me the life of the party.
Always got my teeth showing in front of somebody
I love to get out, the dance floor is my zone,
usually, I have the most fun jamming alone
it just feels.......... safer that way
Thanking God for one more mercy, given to me one more day
 because before i complete brushing my teeth for my performance
and washing my face,
cleaning all of the pain and regrets from the past away.
i sit in the mirror holding my mask in my hand;
vigorously trying to understand.
And do not come at me with no church talk.
If you want to pray, then pray, but keep if for your flock
God and I already have an open conversation-and
NO ONE can come between HIS and my relation.

no one sees behind the mask, i am crying.
my heart hidden in plain sight, shriveled up dying.
hidden from even the people I am suppose to be relying on,
for my faith and trust in everyone is gone.
and i am totally tired of hiding from every one,
this feeling of being alone just sucks ............ass....... ugh
I mean, me hiding is better than the alternative.
I decided, God is the ONLY one who determines how long i should live.
That should not, and is no longer my decision.
It will be over soon, but until then, i choose to keep on living,
keeping my life internal, continuing being the life of the party.
and you will probably never know anything because you never ceased the opportunity,
or even put up a fight,  to actually get to know me.
"xpressurself"