another one gone.

that topic came up again, but no one really paid attention

like for the ump...teenth time, he made it a point to mention

everything that was on his mind, all good and bad intentions

and through all that heard his cry, there was still no type of intervention

it was pushed under a rug as if no one heard of his mission

i mean did anyone really need his permission

now his blood is on all of your hands because you pretty much allowed him to make the incision

this dude was smart and intelligent, becoming a sophmore in high school was revelent
unfortunately, got connected with the wrong group of guys, and got this female pregnant
but of course it was an accident and you and his new friends commense to mock him as ignorant
to make a long story short, you did not listen when he insisted he was contemplating taking his own life
instead of saying a few words, or letting someone know, you just allowed him to go....
but i digress, that was not your fight, nor your right to get involved
who knows though, there is that possibility that his issue could have been resolved
but that was his decision, he could have went another way
and what would have changed his mind, what could you possibly say.
how about.... GOD loves you more than anything and taking your life is not the way
You have so much to live for, come with me and let's pray
even just listening to what he had to say, giving him some time, though you didn't have to, but again that is not  your business
you were only a witness


we often walk away from a person because we are never wanting to get involved. But we will certainly judge after the fact. And we are considered Christians.... SMH....
REALLY???
"xpressurself"

On the skin.... it is just a test

On the skin, there lies wounds that may never be healed…
 wants and needs not fulfilled…

A soul that is probably already killed…..
 with an enemy lurking that is perfectly skilled

Able to lay away for the perfect timing…
 wait for the attack as feelings and emotions, with finally a sense of total excitement are continually climbing

To heights unknown by any man, woman, nor child…
 yet the stench from the garbage of yesterday surfaces at will, while being covered by confusion and lies from the wild

Even though those ties have been broken….
 How can it rest when it is constantly being spoken?

Trust issues arise…. Things will never be the same…
 regardless how much leverage is gained

A seed has been planted, and the bush began to grow…
 there is nothing that can be done with that, except to wait and to be shown

What place is this that I sit and wait…
 Do not tell me this is where you belong as you slowly operate by hate

There are several places that you feel you must be….
Stop wasting your time if you feel you must be free

Go now birdy take your last flight….
 Go as far as you can, as you reach new heights

Just promise that place where you left your eggs…
 that you will not return, use your wings not your legs

God has given you that ability to lift off and fly…..
please do not look back, and I will not ask why

Little birdy you have escaped so much harm in your past….
 Fly away little birdy, you are free alas.

No more harm will hold you down never more….
 Go in peace and  explore ever more, forever more….

To sit at the top of the tree is usually the safest place…
to sit and chill with no haste

But just fly little birdy and find  your place in life…
 stay away from the storm, it will only cause strife

As you fly to your destination, find a safe haven to rest…..
 you are still at your  beginning stage, and this is just a test…..

...........

what is the basis of the things that you speak of
you try to make sense, but that is impossible when you talk about love
is there anything else that makes you think for a change
running all around, totally deranged
having to wait around when you know you messed up
given an altermatum that you know is not sticky stuck
i mean you do what you are asked, and things  still do not work
you should have fixed some things from the beginning, instead of being a jerk
the reality is here, of what is to become
what is to come? karma is a bitch, and she will come.
"xpressurself"

I am trying...... it really does not matter

Father i am trying to be patient, and I am trying

but the urge is too strong for me, and there is no need in denying

Even when she is not in my eyesight i smell her scent

when i look around, to search for her, once again i am wondering where she went

i have spent a great deal of my life with distractions that i incurred on my own

and each time you come around, there goes another, and when i look up each time you are gone

God sends you back around for a reason

Even now, i really do not understand, but dammit I am definitely listening

now, i have prayed for many things, and each time i have received

This is one thing I thought wouldn’t even be a thought because of the time between

Now you have placed me in positions where i have learned who I am

Finally I know what i am to do, my purpose in life, but why now, i mean mmmaaannn

Yes you have given me my assignment, and you have taught me patience to the 5th power

you have taught me how and when to silence myself, and to stop trying to be the man of the hour

I have always known how to accept the good with the bad

to get what I get and take care of it, no matter what it is i had

God I am asking you to grant me my life with what i have encountered for close to 20 years

grant me the excitement and calmness that i feel EACH time she comes near

This is the only woman that i can honestly say that I would snatch my frik’n heart out and give it to her is she needed it

and would not even worry about replacing it

what i have which is not much is all for her

her  mistakes, issues, her situation i will not take it, but together we will deal with it

hell i will help you with that monkey, but i will not invest it

I mean, we made our own individual beds, but i do not see why we cannot lie on that mattress together

We can fight this shit, whenever, however, forever

I am just praying God allows us to do it..... TOGETHER...... HOWEVER... WHENEVER.... TOGETHER....

with blood sweat and tears..... To me, it really does not matter

A time of change..... in Love

Thank you father.... i thank you for your many mercies that you have given each day… the many times i have messed up in your eyes by not doing the things that i would say… I pray…. In the near future I want to get an understanding of why things happen the way they do… why is it I can’t focus more on my assignment, which has come from you… Now father, I really do not want to talk, but if it is ok, I would just like to vent for a second… just to tell you some things that have been on my mind, and I reckon, that while I am releasing some much held on aggression, it just makes sense to go ahead and have a “come unto Jesus” session……. Ever since my separation and divorce I never gave myself a chance, to dance on my own and allow myself to lead ME, and re-direct my life plans. I wanted to act out for a while, and show my butt, and just be Van. I never did that, as a matter of fact I stayed in my marriage program, being cool as a fan, something many will never understand. But I am a man, nigga get on out there and do what you do, this is what they are expecting from you, I just could not get myself to carry it through.  Still programmed with the things that was deposited from wedlock, I got all these big ideas of focusing on this proposition of having my own, doing my own, and being able to do these things ON my own… well, long story short, I am still in it, hard to stay focused, but I do plan to win it. I am on the right track, I have passed the beginning. Many distractions I faced, and love I embraced. Love feeling sssoooo good, after I actually got a taste .i mean I loved Love, and I still do for it has been so good to me. It showed me its many forms, and love showed me some things about me.  So I became an advocate of love, loving the whole meaning of its being. And I saw that it was not sex being the pulling wheel, but just believing. I realized that love was my distraction from moving me in your direction. Love became my other god, now I stand before you in submission. And with your permission, I ask that I be forgiven for placing you second. You were my first love, that should have never been replaced, and as for me, I reckon there is a section in your word, that I need to pay more attention to. The 4th verse to Revelation 2…. To be continued…..

Exclusive.... Exclusively... ***

The poet spoke, but was not heard.
So many things going on at once, with no understanding of
What is happening to himself.
So he instead, insists on not saying a word.
Life has come at many angles,
as this has been one ride after another.
The fact of the matter is he does want to see him
But, does not want the fight of life any more...
I just don't want to be the reason for the pain,
Because, of the thoughts of believing in another
So don't bother.
He kept you close, with a mighty fight
He didn't keep trying just to have you run away,
But without you, it just does not seem right.
You came into his existence at a time
When he needed you the most.
You did something,
To his way of thinking,
That encouraged me to accept love in the open.
Now, i am hoping.
I hope there can be some type of rekindling for his soul,
Because he has been broken.
And coming back to reality is inevitable, though
It may just take a little more time than it was originally factored...
But the hassle is worth the fight...
Even unto death...
Yes even unto death...
I mean after all you died.... for US.
And you came back , and a different person he was.
But right now i there is no more fight left.
He came back beating down your door,
And now he sits in his own sorrow,
Today, praying there is forever, a tomorrow
And a place of where he needs to be.
You died for me, him, US, so please,
 allow me, him, US to live for you.....

"xpressurself"
9/4/2011

Who is me?

I am that I am, and that is who I am to be

I have tried to come up with reasoning to why I was made to be who you see

Many things I have changed about myself, that are gone for good

If I could totally change anything else, I am certain that I would

I have been predestined before the day I was born

My heart is a place of refuge for most, is this a blessing or a thorn

I maintain a constant battle, I maintain a consistent ambition

The love I have in me for people raises an ongoing suspicion

Take me or leave me or throw me out to the ravens

Ain’t no funny motives, and I am not in need of saving

Just a sincere approach to try to expose my being

Why am I built this way, the answer is extremely freeing

I am that I am, and that is who I am to be

My reasoning for being this way is that is how God made me……..
"xpressurself"