A time of change..... in Love

Thank you father.... i thank you for your many mercies that you have given each day… the many times i have messed up in your eyes by not doing the things that i would say… I pray…. In the near future I want to get an understanding of why things happen the way they do… why is it I can’t focus more on my assignment, which has come from you… Now father, I really do not want to talk, but if it is ok, I would just like to vent for a second… just to tell you some things that have been on my mind, and I reckon, that while I am releasing some much held on aggression, it just makes sense to go ahead and have a “come unto Jesus” session……. Ever since my separation and divorce I never gave myself a chance, to dance on my own and allow myself to lead ME, and re-direct my life plans. I wanted to act out for a while, and show my butt, and just be Van. I never did that, as a matter of fact I stayed in my marriage program, being cool as a fan, something many will never understand. But I am a man, nigga get on out there and do what you do, this is what they are expecting from you, I just could not get myself to carry it through.  Still programmed with the things that was deposited from wedlock, I got all these big ideas of focusing on this proposition of having my own, doing my own, and being able to do these things ON my own… well, long story short, I am still in it, hard to stay focused, but I do plan to win it. I am on the right track, I have passed the beginning. Many distractions I faced, and love I embraced. Love feeling sssoooo good, after I actually got a taste .i mean I loved Love, and I still do for it has been so good to me. It showed me its many forms, and love showed me some things about me.  So I became an advocate of love, loving the whole meaning of its being. And I saw that it was not sex being the pulling wheel, but just believing. I realized that love was my distraction from moving me in your direction. Love became my other god, now I stand before you in submission. And with your permission, I ask that I be forgiven for placing you second. You were my first love, that should have never been replaced, and as for me, I reckon there is a section in your word, that I need to pay more attention to. The 4th verse to Revelation 2…. To be continued…..