“Unspoken Words”****************

 

Without uttering a word….

As she sat in my lap, kinda curled up in a fetal position.

I am use to her talking, so I prepared to listen.

And she without a murmur, mentioned that her day was long and tiring and,

Affection is all that she desired

Inspiring me to pamper her, as she tightly gripped my neck

She just needed to be held, with no signs of neglect.

The respect she wanted, I gave it, with no hatefulness or resentment.

It felt like she was searching for some type of contentment

For my, commitment bared no mercy. On the couch trying to rest,

She lowered her head, planting her forehead to my chest,

At best, her soul just wanted to be touched.

Gripping her tightly; holding her compassionately was enough.

All of that stuff she has had going on was weighing down heavily

And with unspoken words, I sat quietly; respectfully.

She needed empathy, and she received it. She just wanted to be held

And not bogged down inside of this invisible shell,

With no voice she yelled, and many things were made very clear.

She was open; for a short second, she felt no fear.

No tear, no worry, no issues, no sounds were heard.

She revealed all of this utterly silent, no expressions, no words

unspoken, uncluttered, unveiled, unheard…

Speaking loudly through her actions: nothing was heard

but bold unspoken words…

"xpressurself"

12/30/2014

well damn....

she really does not know me
i mean, i see her sitting right in front of me
but she does not hear anything i say, but at least i know NOW
what she thinks of me
any and all things that i have done it seems like
it was all for nothing...
not to go into the woe is me thing
but i look at what i actually have to bring
to the table. not even a thank you
but instead i see all that i do wrong
well damn, what do i do right, is this really where i belong
now i guess she wants to follow me everywhere i go
she wants to know everyone i know
FUCK, it was an inappropriate conversation
with a person i dated, 18 years ago.
 been actual best friends for the last 10 of those years
but now an inappropriate talk has gotten us here
hell, seeing that me coming right home still gets me in trouble,
i wonder what would happen if i start staying out late.... wwwooooeeee.....
now i am just like.... fuck it.....
NNNOOOWWW i am REALLY bored....
"xpressurself"

"NOOSETIGHT"

Noosetight and I can not breathe….

My girl thinks I am cheating
because I use to talk to other chicks

Yyeeaa, I know this shit had to stop,
but I had no one else to play with

Being a good nigga,
go to work and came home

And sometimes I WOULD walk in and she had that face,
 that said leave me the hell alone

Ok, I ignored it,
 because I knew that was not the case

I understood some things was bothering her,
and I was not wanting to be that bad taste                   

So as tired as I was,
I would be silly and cuddle

And she LOVED that shit,
though there was a house full of others

Taking into consideration,
there are a lot of hurt, frustration and pain

And me being the man that I am,
I did not want to encourage the strain

So I didn’t, but I listened,
and I thought I was being of some help

What real nigga wants his girl to have to deal
 with hurtful shit by herself

And she NEVER asked for anything,
yet and still I desperately wanted to supply

She was down in life, but still building herself,
and she allowed me to be her guy

And although I wanted to be just that,
I still needed some type of release

I felt like I had a noose around my neck,
hell, this noose tight and I can’t breathe

I wanted to be able to talk about how bad my day was,
instead of coming home to a bad day

I was careful with my speech,
I had to watch how and what I would say,
That noose that was around my neck, 

 that noose tight, and I can’t breathe

What I needed I did not have;
i needed just for a free mental release
My mind was molded by God,
so i need an area to play
i need a place to stand in this world,
 instead of just sitting in one place
But i love this woman so
and this chain i just refuse to break
But GOD HAS to become more prevalent in my life
mostly for my well being, and for my life's sake

2TDM  
 "xpressurself"

Why do my eyes cry?

according to the eye, why do we cry?
i mean we see the wonders of GOd
as well as admire the little things
that make us smile.
our brains have allowed us to register that feeling
of excitement that we feel when looking at that mountain,
from afar thinking to ourselves
oh my,that is simply beautiful.
yea, my heart gave me that little pitter patter feeling
my first time....
what about when we visually witness the beauty of
 per say, the backside of that woman that just walked
 pass from the gas station, coming out, as you
was going in, damn near walking into that stand
of potato chips. the only face you can make
is that ugly beer face while shaking your head. yyeeaa,
some things, your eyes just can not take... umph,,,,
what about the things your eyes see while watching the news
 and you look at a mother getting arrested because THIS simple
heifer sexually assaults her 2 year old child
you also have that moment when

I am America......................

EEYYYY,


 on a land where respect was just a bi product. i respected  you, and you respected me
My people that was there, and sitting in peace, living of what ever it was i had for them, and whatever i could provide for them, no matter what it was. whether it was food, water, clothing, a peaceful smoke, medication, pets, even a really good aphrodisiac.
not sure what happened, but somewhere down the line all of that changed. The word got out that, people were allowed to live their lives, and to be who they were. i had no quarrels with that.
you took care of me, and i did the same thing back
something happened to all of that, when the word got out.
i was in a comfortable place in my life until someone saw me and the way things were, and he had to open his damn mouth
i was suddenly kidnapped and not even  given any type of ransom,
have raped me and stabbed me in the back and the front and totally devoured all of my kinsmen
My body has been trimmed and has had a facelift to where not even my neighbors recognize who i have become
and i will never forgive you for this thing you have done
and this heinous crime that you have committed has made you a monster with 3 heads
I have witnessed that when a wolf gets his first taste of blood, he fiends and attacks at the head
so you have gone to my mothers place and have taken some of her most precious items, brought them over to me to house them for your own selfish ambitions
made slaves work like dogs, you have created the gangster and the mafia better known as the government, to satisfy your non-indigenous traditions....
but look at me today, i have been considered weak, and because of your greediness and nonesense
i have become that very thing that you have created, although taken from my mother, all gloves are off, and the fight will commence.
The worse thing you could have done was to allow my mothers descendant a chance to become better
i could not have been a better weapon, then that very thing you tried to destroy, and belittle; and it is said, never say never.
you said these niggas will never be able to read, never be able to think for themselves, these niggas will never be a damn thing, unless they had your help.
and the more you have fought, the more dumb you have made yourselves look
now the world sees without a shadow of a doubt, that you are real crooks
a fight you wanted, then a fight you have received, and a fight is what i was made to do
i have withstood your mess and am tired of just sitting and watching, it is time for you to get a clue
the people are about to give me back what is mine, just wait and you will see
i am about to take my shit back, for i am America, the land of free...

ready to go back to bed

He woke up, happy
and excited to start his day
got out of bed, did his hygiene thing,
 knelt on his knees to pray
thanking God for a great nights
 sleep that he has not gotten in a while
quickly put socks on his feet
before they hit the cold tile
then on to make his breakfast;
oatmeal, pork sausage, and 2 slices of wheat toast
ssshhhhiiiiidddd, this morning is starting off great,
let me make my face book post
almost ready to walk out the door,
on his way to work
here goes these obnoxious ass kids,
and his neighbor is such a jerk
getting inside of his car,
ready to roll out into the jungle
pulling out, onward on, UGH,
 now traffic, such a hustle.
now he knows the route to work
has a set of its own issues
even the presence of that cop car
that just pulled up behind you
all is good, all is well;
his phone rang all of a sudden
not thinking about the cop behind you,
you look down to push the on button
as you pick up the phone, you moved the wheel,
your car slightly swerves
the cops lights come on, the siren sounds,
and you are like, "what in the world"
so to keep from looking even more suspicious,
 you pull over to the side of the road
lay the phone on the dash, grab his license and proof of insurance,
 preparing for where this may go
hand flat on the dash,
as the cop comes up to the side
one hand on your window, the other on his pistol,
now one more huge sigh

The stage is set..........

Just to set the stage..........
 i closed my eyes so I could see the bigger picture
I will an attempt to maintain a factual structure
swooping vultures, be looking at my beautiful culture
and as you look for fault, all you find is my skin color
Now my birthright is documented in Holy Scripture
Yet your hate is justified because my sisters and brothers
and GREAT ancestors birthplace, was in the Land of the Mother
so you see you could not duplicate, so with pain through torture
lies, and deceit, and evil disdain we were ruptured

at this moment, we still lay on our ass
our hardest accomplishment is still getting pass the past
not really sure how long this will last
my reality is that my demise will be a great task
The ignorance of hate seems we will never get pass
for thou art thine neighbor, one of a great vast
and thou King hast commanded that i love the mass
regardless of your thoughts, I care not of your class

Our nation is filled with vipers, and we have lost all hope
it seems our possibilities of freedom is only seen through a scope
I thank Jesus for coming and dying for me, giving up the ghost
He died, that i would be able to cope
Praying that i do not become, that strange fruit on a rope
But that i can stand as a man, leading my folks
Time is not here yet, that i should fear a mans provoke
But, that my people stand as a unit, waving away all ignorance,
and with class, removing from this place, those bitch ass hoes
"xpressurself"

Aloner ************^^^^^^^^^^^^^*************

He would talk to people all the time,

And people would hear him, but really was not listening

He became a vessel for gossip from those he trusted

And when he realized it, his heart started distancing

Slowly dismissing the people from his circle, until

He ended up enjoying spending his time being alone

Being with just him and his music, and

That was safer while protecting his heart that turned into stone

He just wanted someone to understand him, and

To have the heart that he did

He had his turn dealing with heartache, of being left to manage

While still trying to maintain being a kid

Experience has taught him, fuck everyone

No one gave a fuck about me….. I meant him

But, Nowadays being alone is not so good of a feeling anymore,

This is not how my life is going to end

It is a hurtful feeling, when no one believes in

Your mind, heart, desires……YOU

My stone hearted ass will just get back to pen and paper

And just cry to my damn self, walking in my own pair of shoes

“xpressurself”

Perception

exactly how many times do you have to be forgiven
for things that are totally out of your control
you can only hope that things fall in place.
you can only hope your plan unfolds
i mean, like really, no one wants to hurt, or to be hurt
no one wants to watch the person you love be dug into the dirt
to feel betrayed, or misunderstood
you know damn well things are innocent
and that your heart is good
 but explain it to me how it is you are not able to show them your truth
because of it you are not able to truly be you
so the lie that you end up telling is the lie
that you are happy with yourself.
and you ARE happy, but you are empty
you know the one thing that you think you need
is the thing that you truly need
but are afraid to move forward to be what, deep
in your soul you are needing to be
but you can not share that with the one that you love
because of the other foolishness you do in place of
what you are suppose to be doing because you are truly an idiot
though after it is presented, you admit it
and everything that you have built, and all that you are, becomes
null and void,
because although innocent, yet improper temptations
you did not avoid
all because it looked like something that it was not
now it is all fucked up,  i mean was messed up
in the eye of deception, but
no one ever thought about it's perceived perception
"xpressurself"

11/10/2014

"Purple..........."

  

The color of Purple……..

The color of Royalty… Power… Divinity

This color has become made the color of power, because

Once upon a time, it was so expensive that only

The most wealthy, and Powerful could afford it

While us peasants would see it, and we just simply adored it

Intrigued, what is the big deal

It is only a color, pure and full of exposure waiting to be revealed

So my curiosity got the best of me,

I took the color of purple and laid it on a table

And I extracted the color the best that I was able

and the first thing extracted, gave me a sense of disgrace

when I truly looked upon its face…….

The color that came out

had the face temporarily suffused with blood, being a sign of anger, and shame

as after committing murder, embarrassed that I do not even know my own name

clinging to rage after looking at my ancestors….. what strange fruit.

WE ARE ALREADY DEAD, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SHOOT???

Now the color of sadness has just overcome me

My past, all of sudden shadows me

I looked in the mirror at me

And all of the sorrow that covers me

I should be stronger than what has suppressed me

Damn near at a stage of depression, because of what I just seen

The pain of watching my Savior that is about to die for me

Dressed with the color of “ROYALTY

The color Purple is death, blood, rage, and sorrow to me

red and blue, painfully…sorrowfully…..  joyfully

“xpressurslf

i am Sorry....... **********************

^{Titus 2:
6} Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. ⁷ In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness ⁸ and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

a letter to the next generation....

First of all,
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE for not being what i have told YOU to be
i have been quick to tell you to control your self and hold a good amount of accountability
Stand tall, stand for something, stand when you feel like falling
stiff'n up that bottom lip, "TALK WITH YOUR CHEST" when you are talking
i have told you to be responsible for whatever it is you have done 
lead our women, making them believe in us again, and start by being examples to your sons
I remember saying you should not give anyone a reason to say anything bad about you
even though at times a man has to do what a man has to do.
I WANT TO APOLOGIZE for being a hypocrite in the house of the Lord
i paid more tribute to money and women, steady trying to bring more and more aboard
i stood in that pulpit with the Bible in my hand
"Preaching" sound doctrine, yet failing miserably as a Godly man
Well now i am asking for your forgiveness; and i reach out my hand to you
We all make mistakes, and i bid you not to do what i have done to you
I have led you away from believing that there is hope, but the end is not yet here
Along with your forgiveness, let's make the air clear
I wish you not to make the same mistakes i did, so allow me to lead
for i am "your Elder" and i am willing to lay my pride down for you, like i wish my elders would have done for me.
"xpressurself"

i just want some sleep............

i would give anything to be able to drift away to a place of pure nothingness
to lay my entire being to the side of the banks of space, with grace
having the feeling that i am literally on the moon, in a state of oblivious-ness
no stress, no wondering, no sight, no thought intent
gravity is not even a mere thought or option, as a matter of fact, it is non existent...
i do not want to be able to think about the things that have had me bogged down
this past day,,
thinking about the bullshit my co-worker had to say
not wanting to think about why i had to give the bird to a driver during my commute home
so much to do, so little time to do it, feeling i am riding this wave alone
 i wish it was already next week, i want to put so many things behind
but nnnnnoooooooooooo, my ass is counting with the clock on the wall, sharing its moment in time
i would give anything to be able to drift away to a place of pure nothingness, my eyes are already weak
I just want to get me some sleep.....

"xpressurself"

Full Service Potential

INSPIRE ME

PICK ME APART, STUDY AND DESIRE ME

I AM UP FOR THE JOB, AND YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO FIRE ME

AFTER YOU MAKE YOUR MIND UP TO HIRE ME

NEED ME

MY GOD HAS MADE A POINT TO PROCEED WITH ME

ORDERING MY STEPS, ONWARD MARCHING WITH ME

SO IT IS UP TO YOU TO SEE IN ME THAT LIGHT FOR YOU TO WANT TO TRUST ME

FEEL ME

GO WITHIN MY OUTER LAYERS AND THE PAIN THAT LIES IN ME

AND SOON YOU WILL BEGIN TO ACTUALLY SEE ME

AND YOUR EYES WILL BE MY EYES; SEE WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE ME

TEACH ME

ALLOW YOUR INNER DESIRES TO BE DELIVERED TO ME

MY HEART, MY BODY, MY MIND IS WHAT YOU WILL RECEIVE FROM ME

WHEN YOU EXPOSE WHAT I NEED TO DO TO  SEDUCE YOU MENTALLY

USE ME

TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY SERVICE, MY GOD GIVEN SERVICE GIVEN TO ME

I WAS MADE TO PLEASE YOU, WITH THE INFORMATION YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ME

TAKE ME HOW YOU WANT ME, AND YOU WILL NEVER REGRET ACCEPTING ME

SUBMIT TO ME

WHEN I CALL TO YOU, I NEED YOU TO COME TO ME!

OPEN; EXCITED; ANTICIPATING, NOT KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT FROM ME.

YOU PLEADING WITH ME; ANXIOUS TO BE PLEASED..... FROM ALL THAT YOU TAUGHT ME

“xpressurself”